What Did I Do?
by sothernqt
Summary: Derek and Addison make a simple mistake that will change their lives as they know them. Some MerDer, but mainly Addek!
1. Chapter 1

A/N- okay so here is my next story. I hope you enjoy this one as much as the others. There is some Mer/Der, but mainly Addek.

**-Prologue-**

Derek and Addison had divorced six months ago. It had been a mutual decision. They both knew that trying to save the marriage was useless, especially when one of them did not want that to happen. After the divorce Addison had taken time off from work, she needed time to heal before she had to see Derek face to face everyday. Derek had somehow been able to finally forgive her after the divorce. He didn't understand why after the divorce he could finally forgive her. Was it because he didn't have to? Was it because the marriage was over, so he was not forgiving a wife, but a close friend? He did not know, and assumed he never would. The reasons why no longer mattered, the fact that he had forgiven her was all that was important. He and Addison had mended their friendship, and were now closer than they had been in a long time. They would have lunch together, talk to each other, and joke around together. This irritated Meredith to no end. She could not understand why Derek was doing this. Why was he spending more time with Addison then he was with her. He had divorced Addison and was committed to her now, but why was he still so close to Addison? Meredith did not understand. She and Derek were living together in the trailer, which she was not that fond of. It had been nice at first, but now it was getting old. Addison had moved into a nice penthouse apartment on the outskirts of town. After the divorce she had felt so alone, but now she was moving on. She was making friends, fixing up her apartment, making Seattle her home. Life was good for Addison and Derek. She had someone to talk to, and he had the Addison that had been away from him for so long. Life was perfect.

**-SGH- 12:30pm-**

Derek walked down the long corridors searching for Meredith. His parents had just called and informed him that his father's firm in New York was throwing a big party and that he had to attend. He was also informed that he could not come alone. He finally spotted Meredith standing at a nurse's station flipping through a chart. He walked up beside her and kissed her cheek. "Hey." He said softly.

"Hey to you too." She said as she smiled up at him. "I haven't seen you much today. Where have you been?"

"I had an early surgery, and then an emergency came up, so I have practically been operating all day. Listen I have surprise for you."

"Oh really?" she asked as she started walking toward the elevators.

"How would you like a short vacation to New York?" Meredith turned and looked at him. "My parents called and my dad's firm is throwing a big gala and I have to attend. I thought we could go together and you could meet my family." Meredith began to protest, but Derek stopped her. "I already spoke to the chief and he gave us the go ahead. It would be for three days, so it is not like you would miss much work."

Meredith just stood there not saying a word. "Derek I can't go."

"What do you mean you can't go?"

"I can not miss that much work. If I miss a good case or something I could get behind in the program. I am sorry to disappoint you, but you should have talked to me before making the plans." She turned to get on the elevator, but was stopped when Derek grabbed her wrist. "You mean you are refusing to go?" he asked with a hint of anger in his voice.

"I have a patient to attend to." Was all she said before the elevator doors closed.

Derek was furious and hurt all at the same time. Why was Meredith so worried about work? What could she possibly miss in three days? He sighed and waited on another elevator. He found himself getting off near the neo-natal unit. He didn't know why, but he felt like he was being drawn to it. He pushed open the door to the nursery and walked in. He looked at all of the tiny baby's lying in the isolates. Derek walked over to a small baby girl who was in the corner. She was about the size of Derek's hand, but had a strong grip on his pinky finger.

"It's amazing how something so small can be so strong." Derek didn't need to turn around to see who the voice belonged to; he knew that sound by heart. He slowly removed his hand and closed the little circular opening on the isolate. "What are you doing up here?" Addison asked as she checked the little girl's vitals.

Derek shrugged. "I got into an argument with Meredith."

"Well, don't you think you should talk to her about it, and not me?" Addison asked as she walked out of the nursery with him.

"We finished the argument. See my dad's firm is having a party and I have to go with a date."

Addison stopped him. "Let me guess. You went ahead and asked the chief for the time off for you and Meredith, he said okay so you run and tell her the good news, except she doesn't want to go and refuses to go?"

Derek stood flabbergasted. "How did you know?"

"I have my sources." She said with an evil grin.

Derek just rolled his eyes and smiled at her, that is when he had the idea. "Hey Addi what do you say to a trip home?"

She eyed him curiously. "Are you asking me to be your date?"

"Yes I am."

She bit her bottom lip in contemplation. "What about your parents?"

Derek touched her shoulder. "Addi they love you. Every time I talk to them they always ask how you are doing and send their hellos." He squeezed her hand. "Please come with me."

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "How can I refuse you when you beg?" She laughed lightly. "I would love to come." He smiled a genuine smile. "On one condition." He raised his eyebrows waiting to hear her stipulation. "I get to buy a new dress."

Derek rolled his eyes. "Fine you can buy a new dress when we get to New York, but do I have to go?" She nodded her head and began to walk off. "You are evil Addison Montgomery."

She threw her head back and laughed. "I know." She shot back at him.

"I'll give you more details later." He hollered after her. She simply nodded and walked away.

-Later That Evening- Meredith and Derek's Apartment-

"So I heard you invited Addison to go with you to New York." Meredith said as they pulled the covers back on the bed.

"Yes I did."

"Were you going to tell me?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"When you were more rational." He said as he sat down on the bed.

"Derek why are you taking your ex-wife with you?" She asked as she slid into bed.

"Because my girlfriend refused to go with me." He said looking over at her.

"But Derek she is your ex-wife!"

"She is also my friend Meredith. I was married to her for eleven years, and knew her four years before that. We were and always will be friends. Why can't you understand that?"

"I do understand!"

Derek stood up frustrated. "No Meredith, no you don't. Look I am tired of arguing, I am going to go sleep on the couch. Goodnight."

Meredith just sat in the bed and closed her eyes. It was her own fault that he was taking Addison, she knew that, but she couldn't help but feel angry towards the woman who was taking her place. Was this how Addison had felt about her?

**-3 Days Later- **

Derek and Meredith had not talked about the trip since that night; they simply avoided all conversation about it. However he and Addison had been making plans like crazy. They were both going to stay at their parent's houses, but share a car during the trip. They would leave in a week and stay in New York for three days. The gala was on Saturday night, so they were going shopping that day for a dress for Addison. Addison was excited about getting to see her family and friends, and Derek was excited about getting to spend some time with Addison. He felt horrible about being so happy that Meredith wasn't going. He loved Meredith, but it had been a long time since he had spent time with his good friend. Sure he had been with her at work, but at work they were coworkers, and there really hadn't been much outside of that. Derek and Addison sat in the on call room talking over dinner. Meredith was at home, but Derek had to pull call that night and so did Addi. "So your sister is going to let us borrow her car right?" Addison asked as she took a bite of her salad.

"Yeah, but she said that you were the only one who could drive it. Apparently she doesn't trust me enough to let me drive it."

Addison laughed. "Yeah well, with the way you drive I don't blame her." Derek threw a piece of fruit at her and she gasped. "Hey watch it buddy."

Derek sighed as the laughter died down. "I missed this." He said using his fork to point between the two of them. "I missed my friend."

"Me too." She said softly. "Oh, by the way, on Saturday you don't have to go shopping with me if you don't want to. Sav offered to go with me; you and Weiss could hang out if you wanted."

"I thought part of the deal was that I went shopping with you."

"Yeah, well I am letting you off the hook. Besides you would just complain all day and that would irritate me, and then we would argue, and yada yada yada you know the routine."

Derek laughed and nodded his head. "Yeah you are probably right. So you don't mind if I bail on the whole shopping thing?"

"No, I don't mind. Oh so are you going to meet me at the airport?"

"Yeah Meredith is going to drop me off before she goes into work." He looked down at his hands still saddened by the fact that Meredith had refused to go with him.

"Don't take it personally." Addison said as she squeezed his hand. "She is young, and will learn through time."

Derek looked up at her and smiled. "You know Addi I really am happy you are going to this with me."

"Me too."

**-The Airport-**

Derek and Meredith rode in silence to the airport. She was angry at him for taking his ex-wife and he was angry at her for not going with him in the first place. As Meredith pulled into a parking space Derek sighed. "You know I wouldn't be taking Addison if you had agreed to come."

"I know Derek, but I still don't see why you chose to take your ex-wife instead of one of your friends from New York." She said as she went to the back of the car to help him get his stuff out.

"Meredith why do you always refer to Addison as my ex-wife? Why do you hate her so much? She stepped aside so we could be together, and all you can do is hate her." He slammed the trunk down and pulled his rolling suitcase behind him.

Meredith sighed. She didn't want to have this conversation right now. "Can we talk about this later?" She asked as she ran a hand through her hair.

"Sure." He said softly as they walked to get him checked in. Once they got to the right spot they both sat down exhausted. Not exhausted from the airport, exhausted from life in general. Derek looked up in time to see Addison come walking in with her luggage. She had one rolling suitcase that matched his and a large carryon. He chuckled as he saw her struggling with her suitcase. He stood to go help her and received a glare from Meredith. "You always did know how to pack light." He chuckled.

"Shut up!" she spat. "The least you can do is help a girl out."

He took her rolling suitcase and walked over with it to where he had been sitting. He sat down next to Meredith and Addison sat next to him. "Good morning Meredith." Addison said cheerily.

"Good morning Dr. Montgomery." She said stiffly.

"Oh Meredith, when we are outside the hospital it is Addison."

Meredith simply nodded her head in return. She looked down and her watch and stood. "Well I should go, or I am going to be late for my shift."

Derek stood and kissed her lightly on the lips. "Drive safe."

"I will, and have a safe flight." She turned and walked away.

Addison had stared at their chilling embrace. "Wow! Anyone have a heater, because after that I am freezing." Derek just gave her a small smile and sat back down. "So what's up with you too?"

Derek shook his head. He did not want to tell Addi that she was their problem. "Oh, we just had an argument about something this morning, nothing big."

"Okay." Addison knew it was probably about her, but she kept her mouth shut. Their flight was called and they began to board.

**-New York-**

Derek's sister Abby picked them up at the airport and she and Addison had been jabbering on non stop. "Oh, D by the way you are going to be staying in a hotel room." His sister said lightly.

"What? What happened to me staying in my own room?"

"Well, some other relatives came in from out of town, and the whole house is full, sorry bro."

He sighed and leaned back into the seat. "Just great."

"Hey Derek we have a spare room at my parents' house. You are welcome to stay there." Addison said.

"Really? Your parents wouldn't mind?"

"No, not at all."

"Well then it's settled, on to the Montgomery residence." His sister said cheerily as she turned the corner.

**-The Next Day- **

Derek and Addison had been getting ready for the past hour. Addison had gone with Sav to buy a dress and Derek went with Weiss to find a tux. They had both finished just on time and were now rushing to get ready. His dad had hired a limo to pick them up and it would be there in thirty minutes.

"Addison are you ready yet?" Derek hollered up the grand staircase. Her parents' house was beautiful and elegant, much like his parents' home.

"I'm coming, gosh!" She said as she came down the stairs slowly.

Derek's breath hitched once he saw her. "Addi you look amazing." She was wearing a strapless black dress with a Cinderella skirt. It had white jewels that started at the waist and rained down to the bottom. She also had an elegant white shawl to match.

"Thank you." She said softly. "You look mighty handsome yourself."

He lovingly caressed her face and admired the small curls that hung down. "You ready to go and socialize?"

"Oh please, I was born to socialize." That could have been said about the both of them. Ever since they were small they had been attending functions. Derek took her arm and escorted her to the limo.

**-At the Gala- **

Derek was talking to some of his dad's associates, but the whole time he kept glancing over at Addison who was going on with some of his mother's friends. She was so beautiful, and he could not keep his eyes off of her. "Excuse me gentlemen." He walked over to where she was standing and cleared his throat. "Ladies would you mind if I steal Miss. Montgomery from you for a moment?" Derek had used his charming smile and knew it had worked. They all gave him their permission and with that he took Addison's arm and led her to the dance floor. The orchestra began a new piece of music as they stopped in the middle of the floor. They took their positions and began to dance in a natural way. They had both taken ballroom dancing lessons; mainly for this very reason. "I am glad that I am here with you." Derek said softly.

"You are?"

"Yeah, because Meredith would have never danced with me, or talked to my mother's friends."

Addison smiled. "Derek she would if you would introduce her."

"Addi I don't think that even then she would talk to them."

"That's not what I meant." She looked up into his eyes. "Derek we grew up in this." She gestured around them with her free hand. "All of our lives we have socialized, picked out fancy dresses, eaten fancy food that looked gross…" he chuckled lightly at this. "But Meredith never has. She doesn't know what to do in a situation like this, because she has never been in one. If you would introduce her to this type of life, then maybe she would be a part of it." Addison looked down then back up. "But Derek this isn't you anymore. You don't go to balls or galas. You used to when we…when…when we were married. You have changed, and you are with a woman who is my total opposite. If you don't live in this lifestyle don't worry about her not fitting in. She fits in just fine in Seattle. Do you see what I mean?"

Derek simply nodded his understanding. 'How can she do that?' he thought. 'How can she make me want Meredith and her at the same time, but yet she talks as if she is wanting me with Meredith. How does she do it?' Derek felt confused inside. It was definitely time for a drink.

**-Montgomery Residence- **

Addison and Derek stumbled into the living room and fell onto the couch. Her parents had driven up to Maine for the weekend and had left the house in Addison's care while they were gone. Derek handed Addison the bottle of tequila after he took a long swig. They both had not been that drunk in ages. "Wellll Mr. Sheppard I think it is time bed your." Addison shook her head trying to clear it, but that only made it hurt worse. "Your bed time."

Derek stood up as well. "Yeah, I agree." They both stumbled up the stairs.

"Here is your room." She said as she opened the door. "There are clean sheets and pillowcases on the bed." She walked into the bathroom to make sure there were clean towels for him to use. As she came back out she tripped and fell on top of Derek who had been sitting on the bed. They both just stared at each other and without a word Derek pulled her to him and kissed her passionately. Things heated up quickly as they both did something they would soon regret.

A/N- Okay here is the first installment. What do you guys think? Please review!


	2. The Results are In

A/N- Wow! I have never had that many reviews on just one chapter, there was a total of fifteen reviews! Thank you so much. I hope you enjoy this next installment just as much as the first. And what about that hot sex the other night huh? Lol.

-Montgomery Residence-

Addison was slowly being brought to consciousness by the sense that something was not right. Slowly her eyes fluttered open. She stared right into the sleeping face of Derek Sheppard. At first she was confused by her surroundings then it hit her like a ton of bricks. She looked down at their entangled legs and arms. She shut her eyes tight praying that it was all just a simple dream. When she reopened her eyes and was met with the same sight as before she knew it was no dream. 'What have I done?' she thought. Slowly she untangled herself from Derek and walked into the bathroom. As the hot water of the shower rained down on her all she could think of was how she had done it again. She had ruined yet another aspect of her life. This time she was not the wife, but the dirty mistress. She quickly dressed in a pair of jogging pants and a sweatshirt and headed outside for a run. It was 7:30 when she got back to the house, which meant she had been running for an hour straight and her body still was not tired. She knew that she would be as sore as everything the next day, but right now the adrenaline was pumping so fast that she did not have time to feel pain. Once inside the house she checked the bedroom to make sure Derek was still asleep, and to her relief he was. She crawled onto the window seat and covered up with a blanket. She stared out the window that overlooked the large pond on her family's property. She sighed and laid her head in her hands. The next sound she heard was the creak of the hardwood floor as Derek accidentally made his presence known. Addison's head whipped up and she looked over at him with tear stained cheeks.

"Addison?" He croaked out, his voice full of sleep. She turned her face away from him as another tear cascaded down her face. Derek walked up to her and sat in front of her.

Addison still refused to look at him. "What did we do?" she asked almost in an inaudible tone.

"Addi…we…we can fix this." He said as he tried to take her hands.

She pulled away and looked at him harshly. "No we can't Derek. That is why we got a divorce, because we couldn't fix us. A marriage counselor couldn't even fix us!" She looked down at her hands. "I cheated once Derek, and that was low, but now I am the dirty mistress, which is even lower."

Derek took her face in his hands and tilted it up to where he could look into her eyes. As he looked at them they appeared as if all the color in them had been washed away by the tears. He had always found it odd that when Addison cried her eyes would change to the palest green he had ever seen. She told him that it was just him that saw that, but he knew that it was more than just him. "Addison we both made a mistake. We were drunk, and I was upset, and I took advantage of you." She tried to protest that what he was saying was not true, but he shushed her with his finger. "Why don't we just agree to forget about this? We will keep it just between you and me. I don't want to lose you over this Addi. I just got my best friend back, and I can't afford to lose her again." Addison lowered her head onto his shoulder. "So we are agreed?" She nodded her head against his shoulder. He lifted her face up to his. "It never happened." He said reassuringly.

"It never happened." She repeated after him.

-Seattle- Addison's Apartment- 3 Weeks Later-

Addison had heard a knock at her door and rushed to answer it. "I'm coming!" she yelled through the apartment. She flung the door opened and smiled wide. "Please tell me you brought mint chocolate chip."

"Would I even risk the bodily harm that would be inflicted if I didn't?"

"No, because you are a very smart man."

Derek chuckled as he walked into the room with an armload of ice cream and movies. It was a Friday night and every Friday night that he and Addison had off, but Meredith didn't, Derek would always come over to Addi's place and they would have a movie night. It was a time where they could both be themselves and not have to worry about anything that happened to them outside of the apartment's protective walls. It had become a treasured advent for both. They walked into her kitchen where the pizza was waiting for them. "You can put the ice cream in the freezer for now." She said as she poured them both some Pepsi.

"Why? You will have it back out in less than five minutes." He said sarcastically.

"Look mister I didn't put up with that when we were married and I am not going to put up with it now." She said wagging a finger at him.

He just gave her a genuine smile and placed the ice cream in the freezer. He grabbed the box of pizza and she took the drinks. They settled down next to each other in her TV room and popped in a movie. "What are we watching?" He asked as he took a bite of the hot meat lovers' pizza.

"You'll see." She said with a mischievous grin on her face.

Derek sighed and prepared himself for the worst. "Oh my god, Addison. Do you hate me?" He moaned as the movie began. She simply laughed. "I hate Sense and Sensibility."

"Shhh…the movie is starting." He rolled his eyes and stuffed his mouth full of pizza. "Make it through this one, and we will watch what you want to watch."

"Fine, but I am going to watch something that has some comedy." He said as he pouted like a five year old.

"You do that." She said as if she were talking to a little child. "Now hush or I am going to have to rewind it which will only prolong your misery."

Derek shut his mouth and kept it shut the whole time. Four hours later Derek looked down at Addison. She had fallen asleep in the middle of Shanghi Knights. Derek laughed softly as he slipped his arms underneath her limp body. Gently he carried her into the master suite. It was a large room with a beautiful bed in the back corner that was actually slipped inside the wall. There was a cutout in the wall especially made so that a bed would fit right in it. There was also a small window beside it to let in the light. He had always admired Addison's decorating taste, which was elegant but comfortable. He carefully laid her down on the soft bed then pulled the covers over her body. As the moon shone in through the small window it landed on her soft face and cast a light glow. He lovingly pushed aside a loose curl, and leaned down to kiss her forehead lightly. "Goodnight Derek." She muttered.

"Night Addi." He said just as soft and then turned to leave. Then out of the corner of his eye he saw something familiar. He walked over to her bureau and picked up a loose photo. It was the both of them at the hospital picnic that had been held in New York about four months before the affair. He remembered how unhappy they had been then, but for some reason they looked so happy in the picture. Then he remembered that he had canceled his surgeries for the day so that he could spend it with Addi at the picnic. He should have noticed how happy it made her just to spend time with her husband. Unfortunately he had been too unhappy with his life to realize that he was making hers just as miserable and pushing her farther from his grasp and closer to another man's reach. His heart ached with regret. Derek shook his head forcing the memories and pain to go away. It was over and done with; he couldn't go back and fix it, all he could do was enjoy his close relationship with his friend. With that Derek left and returned home to be alone with his regret and his scotch.

-1 Month Later- SGH-

Addison stood up from the chair at her desk and was overwhelmed with dizziness. She placed her hand against her forehead and closed her eyes. Taking a deep breath she opened her eyes and walked towards the door. She stepped out and accidentally ran right into Izzie Stevens. Izzie's coffee spilled all down the front of Addison's lab coat and dress. "Oh Dr. Sheppard I am so sorry. I was on my way to bring you Mrs. Johnson's lab reports." Izzie didn't know what to do. She didn't have anything to wipe the coffee off with, so she just stood there dumfounded.

Addison inhaled and was all of a sudden plagued with a bought of nausea. "Just lay them on my desk Izzie." She said quickly then ran off to the bathroom where she proceeded to void her body of its contents. Once she thought it was over for the time being she stood and washed her face. Just as she was finishing Dr. Bailey walked in. She looked at Addison's pale face and grimaced. "I'm fine." Addison said with as much reassurance she could muster.

"Uh huh." Bailey said in her typical tone. "Yeah and I am 5'10 with blonde hair and look like a bombshell." Addison just rolled her eyes and began to walk out when Bailey stopped her. "I'll be in room 516 at three if you want me to run some tests." She said in a serious tone.

Addison just nodded. "See you later Miranda."

-3:00-

Addison peeked around the hall to make sure no one would see her go into the room. She was relatively sure she knew what was wrong with her, but she prayed that she was wrong. Slowly she opened the door and saw Miranda standing in the room impatiently waiting on her. "Sit down and roll up your sleeve." Bailey said in her no nonsense tone. Addison shed her lab coat and slid up the sleeve of her slinky black dress. She sat down on the examination table and took a deep breath. "How far along do you think?" Bailey asked as she prepped Addison's arm for the needle.

"Almost two months, well if you want to be technical one month, three weeks, and two days." She sighed and clenched her face up as the needle pricked her skin.

"So I am guessing that you know who the father is." Bailey said as she filled up the first tube with blood.

"No Miranda I just thought that that sounded like one of the nights I had a good fling, so I thought I'd just tell that guy that he is the father." She looked over at Bailey who gave her a dirty look. "Yes, I know who the father is."

"Look, I don't have to do this." She said as she placed another full tube in her bag.

"I'm sorry, you're right." Addison tightened her hand and then released. "I'm scared." She said softly.

Miranda looked up at her. "I know Addison, I know." A few minutes later Bailey placed the last tube in the bag and took care of Addison's arm. "I'll get a rush on these labs." Bailey looked over at Addison as she lowered her sleeve, placed her lab coat back on, and pulled her hair from underneath her collar. She still looked nervous. Miranda had seen her scared before, but Addison was past being scared. She was petrified. "Addison if it is positive I know a good doctor you can see. She works at a hospital about thirty minutes from here. I could set you up with her."

Addison looked up at the woman and smiled a sad smile. "Thank you, I would appreciate that."

Bailey nodded. "I'll page you when the results are in." She quickly turned and left Addison alone in the room.

Bailey headed straight for the lab department to drop off the tubes. "I need these as soon as you can get them to me."

Just as the lab tech. was about to respond Derek walked up to her. "Dr. Bailey have you seen Dr. Shep…Dr. Montgomery?"

Bailey looked over at him with an annoyed look. "Do I look like your personal GPS system? I am not here to keep up with your girlfriend or your ex-wife. I am a doctor, a good one, and it is not in my job description to take care of you." She turned back around to face the young lab guy. "Like I said I want a rush put on these."

"Yeah, and so does everybody else." The young guy muttered as he took the bag.

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that." She said as she turned to leave.

"Wait Dr. Bailey you didn't put down a patient name. We can not process it without a patient name."

Bailey closed her eyes and spun around. Derek chuckled and was waiting for her to explode on the young lab tech. Bailey yanked the bag out of the boy's hands and scribbled something down. She handed it back to the young man. Derek busted out laughing when he saw what she had written for a name. There on the bag was Ima Hoar. "There are you happy now?" The young guy didn't say anything and simply nodded. "Mmmhmmm." She said annoyed and walked off.

"Dr. Bailey are you sure you don't know where she is?" Derek yelled after her.

"I am one hundred percent positive. Now go away!"

-45 Minutes Later-

Addison stood in the surgical gallery watching Derek below. She bit her lip in contemplation. She was so deep in thought that she accidentally bit into her lip. She quickly brought her hand up to her lip and wiped away the small drop of blood. 'How am I going to tell him? He is with Meredith, not me. We were never supposed to talk about that night ever again. How am I going to cover this up?' All of these thoughts plagued her mind. She was quickly brought out of her reverie by the steady beeping of her beeper. She looked down and saw Bailey's number flashing on the screen. Bailey had also left the room number that she was supposed to meet her in. Addison glanced once more down at Derek and was caught off guard to be met by his gaze. She could tell by his eyes that he was smiling at her. She forced the best smile she could, but she knew he would know something was wrong.

Addison walked into the room and saw Miranda sitting on the rolling stool. "Well?" she asked as she sat down in the chair across from Miranda.

Bailey sighed and handed Addison a small bag. "Here are your results, a referral to my friend, and a little advice from a friend." Addison slowly took the bag and closed her eyes. "Tell him Addison, he needs to know."

"How is the baby?" she asked slightly changing the subject.

"Good, healthy, so are you. Everything is right where it should be." Bailey reached out and squeezed Addison's hand. This gesture surprised Addison, but she took note of the kindness in the other woman's eyes. "He would want to know. You can't do this alone, so tell him." She stood and turned to leave. With her hand on the doorknob she stopped and turned back. "The sooner the better."

Addison nodded and sat in the quiet room. Tears slowly fell down her face. She was pregnant. She was pregnant with Derek's baby. She lovingly laid a hand on her flat stomach. She knew she would love this baby, but right now she felt horrible, because she honestly didn't want it.

A/N- Not where I really wanted to end it, but it is bedtime…Lol. Hope you enjoy, and please review. The more you do, the faster I post.


	3. Who Is Mommy Material?

A/N-Well the second chapter appears to be another hit. This is so amazing. I am really glad you guys enjoy the story so much, well on with the show.

-SGH-

Addison stood at the nurses' desk flipping through a patient's file. It had been a week since she had found out about the baby. She still had not told Derek, even though she knew she should. She placed her head in her hand and sighed as she debated which course of action to take on her new patient. Before she could decide she was distracted by a small child. "Auntie A, Auntie A, Auntie A…" Addison turned a saw her little niece running towards her. She smiled a genuine smile and squatted down to the little girl's level. "Emmy!" She cried as she held out her arms. She was soon hit with the child's body. Addison stood up and spun the small child around. Once Addison stopped she looked down at the child. "What are you doing here Emmy?"

"She came along for the ride." said a familiar voice

Addison turned around and saw Derek's sister approaching her. "Lauren, what are you doing here?" She asked as she approached the woman.

They gave each other a tight hug. Lauren had always liked Addison, even after what she had done. Lauren was right under Derek in the family lineup. "Ross had a meeting and I convinced him to bring me with him. We had a babysitter for Emmy but she backed out on me, so we had to bring Emmy with us. Luckily Derek offered to baby-sit for us."

"You mean Derek and Meredith are keeping her for the weekend?" Addison asked surprised. She leaned down and gave Emmy a soft kiss on the cheek.

"Yeah, surprising I know." Lauren placed a hand on her hip and smiled as her husband approached them. "Addison I know you are busy and all, but would you…"

Addison started talking before Lauren could finish. "I would love to watch her. You can pick her up whenever you need to."

"Are you sure?" Lauren asked relieved. Addison simply nodded and pulled Emmy closer. "I really appreciate it. Ross and I had planned on going to the hotel then doing a little sight seeing. We should be done by 10:30 tonight. You can drop her off at Derek's before then if you want." Lauren walked over to Emmy and kissed her forehead. "You'll be good for Auntie A right?" She asked in a motherly tone.

"Of course mommy; I love Auntie A." She said with a big grin.

"Yes, I know." She kissed the little girl's forehead. "Again thank you so much Addison."

"Like I said it's no problem. I'm excited about spending some one on one girl time." Addison nuzzled her face into Emmy's neck.

"Well here is her bag. It has some clothes and some snacks in it. There is enough stuff in there to keep her occupied. Anyway I am just rambling on." Lauren ran a hand through her long blonde hair. "Oh, and my cell phone number is in the front pocket, and…"

Ross grabbed his wife's arm. "Lauren if we don't leave then all of this information will be useless. Thank you Addison and it was good to see you again."

Addison smiled at Ross' quiet demeanor. "You're welcome, and I hope to see you two again before we leave."

"Definitely." Lauren yelled back behind her as Ross ushered her to the elevators.

Addison looked down at Emmy. "Well sister it's just you and me now. So what do you want to do?"

"I don't know." She shrugged. Emmy laid her head on Addison's shoulder and nuzzled her face into her neck. "I missed you Auntie A." She said softly.

"I missed you too Em." Addison could not explain how much she had missed the vibrant four year old. "How about you come with me and help me work?"

"Really? I can help you be a doctor?" Addison nodded. "Can I change first?"

"Change into what?"

Emmy squirmed from her aunt's arms and down to the floor. She rummaged through her bag and pulled out a set of clothes. "I want to wear these." She shoved them up at Addison.

Addison unfolded the bundle and saw that it was a pair of little scrubs with a small white jacket that had Emmy's name on it. Addison laughed lightly and smiled down at Emmy. "Who made these for you?"

"Grandma; she said that now I would look like you and Uncle Derek. Can I go change?"

"Yes, come on let's go find somewhere for you to change." She took the little girl's hand and led her down the hall. The small girl's honey blonde curls were bouncing as she walked. She had a handful of freckles sprinkled across her nose, and definitely her uncle's smile. Addison found an empty room and helped Emmy change. She was so adorable in her small green scrubs and little white lab coat.

"How do I look?" She asked as she stood in front of her aunt.

"Just like a doctor. Come with me I have a patient to attend to." Addison took Emmy's hand and set off to work.

-6 Hours Later-

Addison sat and watched as Derek interacted with Emmy. All of Addison's patients had simply adored Emmy and were much more cooperative with her there. Derek sat with Emmy in his lap reading her _Green Eggs and Ham. _Emmy could "read" some of the parts because she had simply memorized it. Addison's hand traveled down to her flat stomach. She sighed, thinking about how to tell him that he was going to be a father. None of the scenarios were ending like she wanted them to. "Addi." Derek said pulling her out of her reverie.

"Yeah?"

"You okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You keep laying your hand on your stomach like you feel sick or something."

"Oh, it's that time of the month." She said with a small smile.

Derek smiled and nodded. "Oh, okay I get it now."

Addison was glad that he seemed satisfied with her answer. At that time Meredith walked into the exam room and stood at the door. "Uh…Derek…uh are you ready to go?" She said nervously. She was not uncomfortable because of Addison, but because of Emmy. She never had been good with kids.

"Uh…yeah. You ready to go squirt?" he asked as he looked down at Emmy. She nodded and got her stuff. Then she went and took Addison's hand. "Emmy what are you doing?"

"Isn't Auntie A coming with us?"

Derek sighed. "No Emmy she's not."

The girl began to tear up and Addison took over. "I promise that you can see me tomorrow, but tonight you have to go home with Uncle D and Meredith. Okay?"

Emmy nodded her head. "Okay. I love you." She said as she gave Addison a tight hug.

"I love you too."

-The Next Day-

Derek walked into the on call room and fell onto a bed. "You too huh?"

He looked over at Addison who was lying on the bed opposite him. "Emmy would not sleep last night. All she did was cry and say how much she wanted you and her mom and dad. Then Meredith started flipping out and telling me how we were never going to have kids if they acted up like Emmy did. Well then I yelled at her for yelling at me and talking bad about my niece, and everything just went downhill." He ran a hand through his hair.

"Why didn't you just call me? I would have come over."

"I thought we could handle it and I didn't want to wake you up."

"Derek did she even sleep last night?"

"Did who sleep last night?"

"Did Meredith sleep last night?"

"I don't think so. She was mad at me and then Emmy kept crying for you and I think that made Meredith upset. Why are you asking?"

"Because she was assigned to me today and if she is that tired I don't want her to be working. It's not that I don't trust her, but I have been there and done the surgery on no sleep thing, which is very dangerous."

Derek nodded his head in agreement. "Last night when Emmy was crying for you all I could think was 'I wish Addi was here too' because I knew you would know what to do. I kind of felt bad for Mer…" he said chuckling. "She was an absolute mess."

At that moment Meredith stormed into the room. Emmy was on her hip crying her eyes out. "Auntie A! I want Auntie A!"

"Emmy baby, I'm right here. Come here." Addison stood quickly and took the little girl from Meredith's arms.

Emmy clung to her aunt and cried into her shoulder. Addison sat down on the edge of the bed. She placed Emmy in her lap so Emmy could see her. "Em look at me." Emmy looked up at her aunt. "I'm here baby; you need to stop crying okay." Emmy nodded and sniffled.

"I wanted you Auntie A, but …" she sniffled again. "But Uncle Derek said that …that you could not come for me."

Emmy started to cry harder again, so Addison pulled her closer to her. Emmy nuzzled her small face into Addison's neck. Addison pulled Emmy to where she was straddling her lap and rocked Emmy back and forth rubbing her hand along Emmy's back. "Shhh…" It didn't take long before Emmy was sound asleep. In fact it had only been ten minutes since Meredith had brought her to Addison.

Derek stood and walked over to Meredith. "How are you doing?"

"Fine." She said through clenched teeth. It made her so mad that Emmy would not behave for her. She was definitely not cut out to be a mother, and she made sure last night that Derek understood that.

Addison stood up with Emmy in her arms. "It's okay Meredith. She is in a new place with people she doesn't know; it's not you."

Meredith just nodded her head. "Right, not me, it's her." She said as she stormed out of the room.

-2 Hours Later-

Meredith walked up to Derek who was standing by the elevators waiting on one that would be going down. "Guess what!" she said excitedly.

"What?" Derek asked with a sarcastic grin.

Meredith slapped his arm playfully. "Addison agreed to keep Emmy for us tonight, which means we will be able to finally get some sleep." Meredith smiled up at him. She expected to see a smile mirrored on his face, but instead was met with a look of shock and anger.

"You pawned off my niece to Addison?"

"Well it is her niece too."

"God Meredith why are you doing this?"

"Look I thought I was doing us a favor. Excuse me for trying to help." She said angrily.

"No what you are trying to make life easier for you by getting rid of my niece like she is nothing."

"Look I'm sorry okay."

"Well Meredith sorry isn't going to cut it this time." With that Derek stormed off.

-Addison's Apartment- 11:00 pm-

Addison had just put Emmy to bed in the spare bedroom when there was a knock at the door. She ran quickly to get it, praying it would not wake Emmy up. Addison would have had her in bed hours ago, but since Emmy hadn't slept a wink the night before and then slept all day her sleeping pattern was off. Addison opened the door and saw Derek standing there. "Derek what are you doing here?"

Derek walked in quickly and began to pace the living room. "I talked to Bailey today and she asked me how you were feeling. I told her you were fine and she said okay. But when she said okay I could tell she was trying to cover up something. So I asked her what would be wrong with you and she said nothing, but I didn't believe her, so I asked her again what was going on and she told me to ask you. Addison why are you keeping secrets from me? You are the only person in my life right now that I can be completely honest with." He stopped pacing and walked over to where she was standing. "Look I want the truth from you."

"It's nothing Derek."

"Don't lie to me Addison, don't do it. I do not need this from you."

"What is that supposed to mean?" She asked angrily.

"I am fed up with Meredith lying to me about how she is doing; I don't need this from my wife too!"

They both stood silent. Derek had called her his wife, which caught them both off guard. Addison slowly walked up to him. "I am not your wife." She spat out. "I don't have to tell you anything." She took a deep breath. "Now get out of my apartment." She said through clenched teeth.

"No, not until you tell me what is going on with you." He stood firmly in place.

"Why should I tell you? You will know in nine months."

Derek stood there trying to absorb her words. "What are you saying?" He asked in a more gentle tone.

Addison hung her head. "When we were in New York…you know what happened." Derek nodded his head. "I…I…" her hand slid down to her stomach. "I'm pregnant."

A/N- Here you go another chapter. Please review!


	4. Having Dinner

A/N- Thanks for all the good reviews. I am glad you all are enjoying it so far. Well here is another chapter.

"I'm pregnant."

Derek stood in shock. He had no clue as to what to say. "Are you sure?"

"No Derek, I just have a degree in Obstetrics, but I'm not sure if I am pregnant. Yes I am sure!" She yelled.

"Don't yell at me Addison!"

"Don't tell me what to do! I am not your wife!"

"Yeah you have made that perfectly clear." He said bitterly.

Addison stared at him harshly. "Yeah well you made it pretty clear to me the day you chose her over me!"

"Addison we both agreed that the marriage was over. It was a mutual decision."

"I am not talking about that Derek I am talking about before."

Derek stood flustered. "What before Addison? Before that I had chosen you!"

"You stayed with me physically, but you hadn't chosen me. You chose her and you know it! You couldn't have both of us Derek! You couldn't have both of us, so you decided to go for the newer woman." Addison was angry and it showed in her mannerisms.

"I chose you Addi, I was with you!"

"You haven't been with me since before Mark! You were there when you wanted to be and you were only there with what was left of me. Those last few years had drained me so that all I was was a shell of my former self. You…" She didn't know what else to say and she was so angry she was having a hard time forming coherent sentences.

"Are you blaming me for Mark? You better not be Addison! I am not the one who had an affair; there was no other woman!"

"Yes there was!"

"Who?"

"Your work; your work was more important to you than anything else. It took president to everything in your life." Addison looked down. She was tired; tired of fighting a battle she knew she couldn't win. "Derek just leave."

"Addison we are not done." He said forcefully.

Her head whipped up. Her eyes burned with fury. "Oh yes we are." She annunciated every word with great force.

Derek nodded and turned around. "Addi…"

"Just go." She said softly.

Derek did as she asked and left the apartment feeling empty and like a worthless man. Addison sat down on her couch and curled up resting her chin on her knees. Slowly the tears began to fall. Right at that moment she would have given anything for a drink.

**-2 Days Later- SGH-**

Addison sat in her office and stared at the computer screen. She hadn't talked to Derek since the night at her apartment, and she felt miserable. She just wished she had the guts to apologize, or that he would say he was sorry. She hated not talking to him and always felt alone when they were not talking. Addison took a deep breath and slowly let it out. She slowly removed a blank sheet of paper and a pen. If he was not going to take the first step, then she would.

-**Same Day- Dr. Morris' Office-**

Derek walked into the psychiatrist's office and sat down in the plush chair. "So Derek what brings you in today?"

Dr. Morris was one of the doctors that Derek had seen when he had first arrived in Seattle. It had been a while since he had seen him, but without Addison to talk to he had to turn to the doctor. "I had a fight with Addison."

"You two are divorced now right?" The doctor asked as he pulled out his pen and pad.

"Yes, we have been for a little while now." Derek ran a hand through his hair.

"So what was the argument about?"

"Well, you see about two months ago I took Addison with me to New York for this gala that I had to attend. I wanted to take Meredith, but she refused to go, so I took Addi. Anyway we got drunk one night and had sex. We both agreed not to mention what had happened that night, but now we will not be able to cover it up."

"Why not?"

"Because Addison is pregnant. That is what she told me last night, and we started arguing, but the thing was we weren't arguing about the baby, but about the past."

"Did you two ever talk about the past?"

"Well we talked about the good stuff, but we didn't really talk about the affair." Derek looked out the window and sighed. "Last night I suddenly got this overwhelming urge to ask Meredith to marry me, and I don't know why."

"Derek you know why, but you don't want to admit that you know why." Derek sat and absorbed his words. He did know why, and the reason scared him. "Now why did you want to ask her?"

"Because I am afraid that if I don't that I will…that I…that I will fall for Addison again. I mean she is carrying my baby, our child. I don't know what to do."

The doctor sat and listened carefully. "Well tell me something. Are Meredith and Addison anything alike?"

Derek chuckled dryly. "No, not at all."

"So they are complete opposites." Derek nodded. "Then why are you with Meredith?"

"What do you mean?"

"You married Addison and thought she was the 'love of your life' until she had the affair. One would think that the next wife would have some similar qualities as the past wife, but you say they are completely different. To me it seems as if you only love one woman and that the other is just there to fill the void the other has left behind."

Derek sat and stared out the window. Was Meredith just a filler? Or did he really love her? He looked down at his watch and saw it was time for him to leave. "Thank you doctor Morris, but I have to go." He slowly stood and turned to leave.

"Derek, even if you don't love Addison you still need to be with her during the pregnancy. Don't let her do it alone, or you will hate yourself for forever. And tell Meredith the truth; don't let her wander around in the dark."

Derek nodded and left to go to work. All day Derek could only think of one thing, that he was going to be a father.

**-That Night- Addison's Apartment-**

Derek took out his key and opened her door. He had to talk to her and knew that if he knocked she probably would not let him in. "Addison! Addison I need to talk to you." He yelled throughout the apartment.

She came running out of the bedroom in a tank top and a pair of shorts. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry. I am sorry about New York, I am sorry about last night, I am sorry I was a bad husband, mostly I am sorry that I was never there for you when you needed me, but I am here now. I want to be there to support you and the baby. This doesn't mean we are back together, because we will never be there again, but I want to be a good father to our child, and I want to be a great friend to its mother." Derek slowly walked towards her and placed a hand on her face. A few tears were threatening to overflow, but she held them back. A smile broke out across his face. "I am going to be a daddy. And even though it is not a convenient time or the right circumstances I am still happy. Addison I love you, and I promise to help you any way I can."

"What about Meredith?"

"I will tell her, in time."

"We are going to have a baby." She said as a smile graced her face.

"We are going to have a baby." He reaffirmed. Derek smiled and pulled her to him holding her close. He was ecstatic about becoming a father, but scared at the same time. He didn't know how he was to tell Meredith, or what he would do once the baby was born. All he knew was that he would take advantage of the time he would get to spend with Addison one on one. He knew deep down that he would never love another woman the way loved her, and that he would never truly stop loving her. Having a baby with her was only going to make that love stronger and the pain of losing her deeper.

**-5 Days Later-SGH-**

Derek pulled out his Blackberry and looked down to see if he had any messages. He had one in his inbox that was from Meredith.

Hey,

Can't make it to dinner tonight, sorry. A surgery just came up. Ttyl.

Mer

Derek sighed and leaned up against the railing. He had planned on telling her about the baby that night, but now he was going to have to find another time to do that. He had planned on making her a fancy dinner and then telling her, but now he would have to eat the food on his own. Or would he? He checked to see if Addi was on and sent her a message.

**To:dr.Satan**

Hey Ad get on your im. I need to talk to you

**From:DrMcdreme**

Derek walked to the cafeteria and sat down waiting on her response. He saw her screen name come up and began to talk to her.

**dr.Satan:** Hey what's up?

**DrMcdreme:** I have a proposition to make.

**dr.Satan:** Okay shoot.

**DrMcdreme:** Have dinner with me tonight? We could meet at the apartment…Mer and I only have a table, couch, and T.V., but hey it is better than the trailer. LOL

**dr.Satan:** LOL…where is Mer? Wait…working…weren't you going to tell her about the baby tonight?

**Dr.Mcdreme:** Yep, on both accounts. But now I am going to be eating alone, unless you agree to come eat with me?

**dr.Satan:** Well since you sound so desperate, I guess I will. See you at eight?

**Dr.Mcdreme:** Thanks, and eight sounds great. Hey that rhymed…LOL…

**dr.Satan:** Shut up and get back to work…I will see you at eight. Bye

**Dr.Mcdreme:** Okay…bye.

Derek shut his Blackberry off and went back to work eagerly anticipating the evening to come.

**-1:00 am- Derek and Meredith's New Apartment-**

Meredith walked into the apartment and placed her bag down in the hall. She walked into the kitchen and could smell something different. She opened the refrigerator and found a round Tupperware dish with a post-it note attached to it.

Mer,

Left over dinner. Hope you enjoy.

Derek

She pulled the lid off and popped it in the microwave. She looked down in the sink and saw too many dishes; she knew Derek could not use that many dishes. She walked into the living room and sat down with her food. She looked over and saw Derek's Blackberry beeping. She picked it up and looked down. She opened the message and read: "Hey Der, thanks so much for the great dinner. Good luck with telling Meredith, and I really enjoyed our conversation today…LOL. Well I will talk to you tomorrow. Love ya, Addi." Meredith's blood boiled as she heard her voice read the message out loud. She wanted to know about this "conversation" that Derek and Addison had had. She went through his saved conversations and found it. She became furious when she read it. Then she went back over it and read the line about the baby. What baby? Was Addison pregnant? Whose baby was it? Was it Derek's? It couldn't be his, could it? Meredith stormed into the bedroom and flipped on the light. "Is it yours?" she yelled.

Derek sat up groggily and squinted. "What are you talking about?"

"Is the baby yours?" She asked again.

Derek stood and looked at her solemnly. "Yes."

A/N- Okay so I am sorry that I ended it there, but you will have to review, and then find out what Meredith is going to say. Trust me all hell breaks loose next chapter.


	5. I'd Die Without You

A/n- Hey thanks for the reviews. Hope you all have a good time reading this next chapter.

"Is the baby yours?" She asked again.

Derek stood and looked at her solemnly. "Yes."

Meredith's breath hitched in the back of her throat. "How could you?" she asked angrily.

"Well Meredith you see it is called the birds and the bees." He spat sarcastically.

"Shut up! You think this is funny? I can't believe you! When did you knock her up? Was it in New York?" She folded her arms across her chest.

"Yeah it was, and I didn't knock her up. She got pregnant, and it was a mistake." He said bitterly.

"You can say that again. Everything with her is a mistake."

Derek's blood boiled as he listened to Meredith trash talk Addison. "You know nothing about her!"

"Yeah? Well I know that she is a two faced hoar! She claims to be out of your life and then seduces you into bed so she can hold it against you! I know how she operates." Meredith stepped up closer to him her blood pressure rising.

"That is not how she 'operates'! She didn't seduce me. We were both drunk and we had sex together. It was a mutual decision." Derek ran a hand through his hair trying to calm down when it hit him. "How did you know about the baby?"

"What?"

"How did you know about the baby?" he asked as his voice rose. "I didn't tell you, in fact I had planned on telling you tonight, but someone bailed on dinner. I know Addison didn't tell you, and she isn't showing yet, so how do you know about the baby?" He stepped up close to her.

"I read your conversation." With that she held up his Blackberry.

"You what?" he yelled as he yanked it from her hands. "How could you? The conversations I have with Addison are none of your business. I don't go and tell her everything we talk about."

"Yes you do! Every time something goes wrong in our relationship you run crying off to her!"

"And she tells me to come and talk to you about it, but you never want to talk. God, Meredith will you ever accept the fact that Addison is a part of my life? Will you?" He shoved his hands through his hair frustrated.

"No, because I don't trust her! She wants you Derek. I can see it in her eyes; why do you think she slept with you?"

"Addison and I were married Meredith, married…not dating or engaged, but married. That night in New York was like any other night to us, but this time she begged me not to mention anything to you, because she didn't want our relationship screwed up. She kept silent for you and me, not for herself!"

They both stood still breathing heavy from all of the arguing. "She is having this baby whether you like it or not." Derek said in a controlled tone.

"Fine, but I don't want you to talk to her or hang out with her anymore." Meredith said firmly.

"What? Are you kidding me? She is carrying my child, but I am not supposed to see her and speak to her?"

"Yes. If you want to remain in this house then you have to abide by those rules."

"Then I'm out of here." Derek grabbed his duffel bag and began to pack. He shoved some clothes in and grabbed his leather jacket and keys.

Meredith stood in shock and watched him pack his stuff. "Where are you going?" She asked angrily.

"I'll be at Addison's, so don't call me." He slammed the door in her face and left. Meredith slammed her fist against the door. She had not thought that he would actually leave, and she had definitely not planned on him running to the arms of the woman he was 'forbidden' to see.

**-Addison's Apartment- 2:30am-**

Addison slowly shuffled into her hallway and to the door. She had no idea who could be coming to her house at this hour. She looked through the peephole and saw a disheveled looking Derek standing in her hall. She opened the door and stared at him. "Someone better be dying." She said groggily.

He gave her a small smile. "Can I come in?"

Addison noticed the solemnity in his demeanor and let him in. "Are you okay?" She asked as he stood frozen in her living room.

"I can't lose you Addi." He said barely above a whisper.

She walked in front of him and took his hands in hers. "I am right here. I hadn't planned on going anywhere."

He looked into her green eyes and a tear rolled down his cheek. "Meredith knows about the baby." He bit his bottom lip. He had never been the type of man to let his emotions show, but tonight he was going to cry. "She read my, our Blackberry conversation and put two and two together." He looked down at his feet. "She told me that if I wanted to stay with her that I couldn't see you or talk to you, and so I left."

Addison was touched by his devotion to her. "Derek…"

He shushed her. "No Addi, I am not going to apologize to her for this. I will for sleeping with you, because it was a mistake, but I won't say I am sorry for caring for you." He lovingly caressed her face. "Addi without Meredith I am miserable." She felt a sharp pain in her heart at his confession. "But without you…without you I would die."

She smiled up at him and blushed lightly. "Thanks."

"I mean it Addi. You know how a pair of Birkenstocks will fit anyone to begin with, and they aren't really comfortable until they mold to your feet and then they feel bad to everyone else?" Addison nodded her head, unsure of where he was going with this. "My heart is like that. It was new and then it molded to you, and it will always have an imprint of its original owner, no matter how hard Meredith tries to change it." He looked down and then back up at her. "Can I stay with you until this thing with me and Meredith is resolved?"

"Sure, I can always use the company. You can share the bed with me."

"No, I'll just sleep on the couch."

"Derek don't be ridiculous. That couch is not good for sleeping on. We are adults, we can share a bed. I mean we did share one for eleven years."

He sighed. "Fine, you are right, as always." He muttered.

She chuckled and patted his head. "Atta boy, you catch on fast. Come on, I am exhausted and so is your kid." She took his hand and led him to her bedroom.

At the mention of the baby he smiled. "How is the baby?"

"Good, I haven't had any morning sickness yet, so maybe I will luck out and not have any."

They both crawled into bed and lay down on their respective sides. "So when is your next doctor's appointment?"

"Next week why?" She asked as she turned out the light.

"I thought maybe I could go with you. I mean I want us to do this together."

Even though he could not see it he could hear the smile in her voice. "I would like that."

They pulled the covers up around them and unconsciously moved closer to one another. "Goodnight Ad."

"Goodnight Derek."

Derek wrapped his arms around her and smiled. He had had a bad day, but being with Addison at that exact moment had made the pain worth while.

**-2 Weeks Later-**

Derek was still staying with Addison and had made little conversation with Meredith. Addison had begun to have morning sickness, which she blamed on Derek. He would just nod and listen to her rant on and on as he held her hair back. He didn't understand why when they were married they could not talk like they were now. This confused him more than anything else in his life. Their baby was healthy and happy, and the doctor was pleased with the pregnancy. "Addison hurry up or we are going to be late!" Derek yelled as he stood at the front door waiting on her.

"I'm coming, gosh! I was putting on my makeup." She grabbed her bag and took her coat from his hands. It was mid- December which meant you had to wear a coat, gloves, hat, scarf, sweater; you name it you had to wear it. "Okay we can go now."

"Thank you." He said as he hurriedly ushered her out the door.

They had both fallen into a pattern that was much like it had been in New York. On the way to work they would talk about this and that, then in the evening Derek would cook dinner, they would work on their cases or watch a movie, and then go to bed. Addison knew that having Derek around at her house would not be a permanent thing, but she was enjoying it while it lasted. "So are you going to Adele's Christmas dinner?" Addison asked as they walked into the doctor's lounge.

"Yeah, I had planned on it. Are you?"

"Yep, she threatened me with bodily harm if I didn't attend." Their laughter was interrupted by a knock at the door. "Come in."

Meredith slowly cracked the door open. She was shocked to see both Derek and Addison changing into scrubs, together. Addison pulled her top on the rest of the way and smiled. "Don't worry, nothing happened." She looked between Meredith and Derek and saw that they wanted to be alone. "I have to go make rounds. I will see you later Derek. Meredith." She quickly left the room.

Meredith came in and shut the door. "So you two change together now?"

"Meredith I have seen everything she has to offer, and I have changed in front of her a million times. Trust me there is nothing sensual going on when we change. Now did you come in here to start another fight?" He asked as he sat down on a bench.

"No, actually I came to end one. Look I am sorry about what I said. I was and still am angry at you for sleeping with her, but I will get over it. I promise to not say anything about you seeing her as long as you promise to talk to me more." She stuck her hand out. "Deal?"

"Deal." He shook her hand and pulled her down next to him on the bench. He kissed the top of her head and smiled. "You want in on a major neuro. case?"

"You bet." They stood up together and walked out into the hall.

Derek saw Addison leaning against the nurses station with several of the nurses huddled around her. He jogged over towards her. "Addi?"

She looked up at him. "Derek…something…something is not right." At that moment her eyes rolled up into her head and she collapsed onto the floor. Her body began to seize.

Derek rushed over to her and placed her head in his lap so that it would not bang against the floor. "Meredith get the chief, and call Dr. Masterson her number is in my locker. Go Meredith!"

Meredith ran off down the hall to do as she was told. Derek pulled Addison's body into his arms and walked towards an elevator. Right as he stepped on she stopped seizing. "Come on Addi wake up, wake up." Derek held her limp body. She was so light, and pale. As the elevator doors opened he was met by the Chief and a stretcher. He laid Addison down on the stretcher, and prayed that she and their baby would be okay.

A/N- Okay I know that it is a cliffhanger, but I got to leave you wanting more. Remember more reviews…more motivation.


	6. How to Treat Italian Silk

A/N- I am so glad that you all have enjoyed the last chapter. Thanks for all the great reviews. Hope you enjoy this next chapter.

**-Addison's Hospital Room- 6th Floor-**

Derek sat beside Addison and held her hand in his. She had been placed on the neurological floor, and was currently under observation. She had already had a CT which showed the location of the seizure. There was knock at the door which caused Derek to turn around to see who it was. "Hey, Steven." Derek said as he stood up to shake his old friend's hand. Derek and Steven Wilson had been friends since med school. They had both gone into the field of medicine, and Derek had called him in to take care of Addison.

"Hey Derek. It's good to see you. I only wish it was on better conditions." Steven stepped over to Addison and listened to her heart. "Well her CT showed some scar tissue on her brain. Has she ever had any other seizures that you know of?"

Derek sat back down in the chair and placed his head in his hands. "Yeah she has. It was about eleven years ago."

**-Flashback-**

Derek stood in the bedroom and tried to fix his tie. He and Addison were going out on the town for their first year anniversary. "Addison come in here. I can't get this stupid tie on!"

Addison walked into the room and smiled as he threw the tie on the bed. "Now, honey is that any way to treat Italian silk?" She laughed lightly as he rolled his eyes and sat down with a huff onto the bed. "Come here and I will tie it." She pulled him over to their full length mirror and stood behind him. In less than no time she had his tie on perfectly. "There all better." She smoothed her hands over the shoulders and the back of his coat. "Don't you look mighty handsome?"

He smiled and turned around to face her. "You look beautiful yourself." He lovingly caressed her face then took her left hand in his. "I can't believe we have been married for a year already." He leaned down and kissed her lips. "I still love you as much as I did the day I married you, and I promise to never stop loving you. You will always be number one in my life, I promise."

She smiled up at him and gave him a soft kiss. "I love hearing you talk like that."

"I mean it Addi, nothing can ever make me not love you. Now go finish your hair so we can go." He smiled down at her with her curlers still in her hair.

"Fine, I'm going." She turned around and was hit in the butt. "Watch your hands buddy. My husband may not approve of you man handling me." She looked back at Derek and gave him a sexy grin.

"Really well what would he think of this?" He wrapped his arms around her and gave her a passionate kiss. "And what about this?" He leaned down and kissed the side of her neck.

Addison groaned. "Well you know he might not appreciate that, but what he doesn't know will not hurt him." She kissed him on the lips and smiled. "But if we don't leave soon then we will be late." She left him and went into the adjoining bathroom.

"You are evil Addison Sheppard; you leave a man wanting more with no promises of getting more." He sat down on the bed and put his shoes on.

Addison poked her head out of the bathroom. "I never said that you wouldn't get more later on."

He gave her a seductive smile. "You always do fallow through on your promises." Derek did not hear a smart retort come out of the bathroom which scared him. "Addison?"

She slowly walked out of the bathroom. "Derek…" she said breathless. All of a sudden her body hit the ground and her head connected with the corner of their bedside table.

"Addison!" he yelled as he rushed to her side. Her body was convulsing as he laid her on the bed. He pressed his hand against her forehead; she was burning up. Derek ran into the bathroom and began to fill the tub up with ice cold water. He ran back into the bedroom and took Addison into his arms and placed her into the tub. He took a rag and dipped it in the water and ran it over Addi's face. Taking the phone in his hand he called 911. "I need an ambulance. It is my wife, she is running a high fever and had a seizure." He continued to ramble on to the operator. Once he hung up the phone he looked down at Addison lying in the tub in her black satin dress. There was a trickle of blood at the corner of her mouth. He slowly opened her mouth and saw that it was filled with blood. She had apparently bitten her tongue when she began seizing. Derek shed his coat and rolled his sleeves up. He placed his arms around her body and leaned down next to her ear. "Come on Addi wake up, please wake up."

**-End of Flashback-**

Derek pulled his out of his hands. He sat and thought about what he had told Addison those many years ago. About how he would always put her first, and how he would love her no matter what. "She…the doctors said they didn't know why she had a seizure, they just assumed it was due to the high fever. Do you know what caused it this time?"

Steven shook his head. "No, not really; sometimes these things just happen."

"How is the ba…" Derek began to ask when there was a knock at the door.

"Dr. Wilson we have a case we would like you to look at." said Izzie.

"I will be right there Dr. Stevens." He looked over at Derek and patted his shoulder. "The baby is fine." With that he left the room.

Derek looked over at Addison and ignored the stares from Izzie. He knew that in less than five minutes the whole hospital would know that Addison was pregnant, but right then he didn't care. All he cared about was lying right in front of him.

**-The Next Day-**

Addison could feel someone's hand in hers, but she could not place it. It felt soft, but firm. Could it be Derek's? Slowly she opened her eyes and looked over at her hand. When she saw it she saw the IV in her hand. Addison began to panic and pulled her arm out of his. Derek's head snapped up and he placed a hand on her shoulder. "Addi calm down, it's okay you are in the hospital."

"The baby…how is the baby?"

"It's fine, the baby is fine." With these words Addison appeared to calm down. "Just relax Addi. You had a seizure and we don't know why. How do you feel?"

Addison closed her eyes and sighed. "Tired, but okay." Addison's hand moved down to her stomach. "So our baby is okay?"

Derek laid his hand over hers. "Our baby is okay."

Meredith just happened to walk in at that exact moment. She stood and stared at the couple in shock. How could Derek let himself get so close to her? She didn't understand. Not saying a word she silently backed out of the room. Meredith sighed; she was going to have to make him see her.

**-1 Week Later-**

Addison was back at work, but everyone was told to watch for any signs of her having another seizure. Derek had made a habit of calling her at least three times a week to make sure she was okay. He had cut back on his visits, because he knew that he was being unfair to Meredith. He did love Meredith, but he still had feelings for Addi. Derek hated being confused. All of his life he had known what he felt, where he wanted to go in life, and more importantly who he loved. Now he felt as if he had to no control over anything in his life. He stood at one of the nurses' desks trying to finish up some paperwork when Meredith came up behind him. "What are you doing tonight?" she asked happily.

"Well, I had planned on spending the evening with my girlfriend." He said as he smiled down on her. "Why, do you have a better idea?"

"You see there is a new bar that is opening up tonight, and we have been invited to go with Christina, Dr. Burke, George, Callie, Izzie, and Alex. Now I know you don't particularly like the idea of hanging out with interns, but there will be two other doctors there, so you might have fun." She smiled and snaked her arms around his waist. "Please Derek." She stuck her bottom lip out and pretended to pout.

Derek rolled his eyes. As of lately he had not been much of a social person. "Fine, I will go." He smiled down on her. "What bar is it?"

"Coyote Ugly; they have finally opened one up here."

"Well why didn't you say so in the first place? I love that bar. I used to go there all the time in college, well I went to the one in New York."

"Now tell me exactly why you like this bar so much?" she asked curiously. Meredith knew all about the girls dancing on the bar in tight clothes, and she assumed that was the only reason men went to the bar.

Derek chuckled and began to walk away. "They have a nice…uh…a nice atmosphere." He grinned back at her over his shoulder.

"Meet me at the car at seven." She yelled after him.

"Will do." He yelled back.

Meredith was happy she had convinced him to come. She felt that he had been really trying lately to be a better boyfriend, and she really appreciated the effort.

**-That Night- Coyote Ugly Bar-**

Derek walked in with Meredith at his side and smiled as he looked around the packed bar. He felt like he was back in college with the smell of the beer and the sight of scantily dressed girls. He followed Meredith's lead to a booth in the back where everyone else was already sitting. "Meredith you will never believe who is here!" Christina said excitedly.

"Who?" Meredith asked curious.

"Addison!" With the mention of Addison's name Derek's head whipped up.

"Why would she be here?" Meredith asked Derek. All heads turned to him. Just as he was about to answer there was a tap at his shoulder.

"Hey stranger."

Derek looked over and smiled. "Hey Lil, what are you doing here?" He asked as he stood to give the woman a hug.

"I'm opening a new bar, what does it look like. I always told Addison you were a little slow. Well aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?"

"Oh yeah sorry; Lil this is Izzie Stevens, Preston Burke, Christina Yang, Callie Torres, George O'Malley, Alex Karev, and my girlfriend Meredith Grey. Everyone this is Lil Lovell. She is the owner and founder of Coyote Ugly."

"Nice to meet all of you." Lil said politely.

"How do you two know each other?" Izzie asked curiously.

Just then Addison came over quickly. "Addison what are you doing here?" Lil asked as she gave Addison a hug.

"Well I heard that my old boss was opening a new bar and I wanted to come and see if the new girls were as good as we were."

"What do you think?"

"Not as good, but they are getting there." She smiled and looked over at the table of astonished people.

"You mean that you used to be a Coyote Ugly girl?" Meredith asked shocked.

Addison blushed and nodded. "I worked here to help pay for college. I was a dancer and bartender at the one in New York."

"So are you going to dance for us or are you just going to sit back and watch?" Lil asked challengingly.

"Lil don't do this. I am too old to dance up there."

"Oh come on Addison, everyone knows you look wonderful. Come on go show the girls how it is done." Preston tried to convince her. Christina gave him a dirty look as he complemented Addison on her body.

"Okay, one dance."

"Great, come on let's go." Lil took her hand and led her to the bar. She whispered something into one of the bartender's ear. The bartender smiled and nodded.

Derek sat down next to Meredith and watched as some of the men helped Addison up onto the bar. "Are you sure she should be doing this in her condition?" Meredith whispered in his ear.

"She isn't showing, and she is not drinking so she should be okay." Derek turned his attention back to Addison. She had on a satin v-neck halter top that was a light champagne color. It had a small string that tied around her back but it was open in the back with no material. She was also wearing blue jeans and cowboy boots. Addison turned around to say something to one of the girls and that is when he saw it.

"Oh my god! Addison has a tattoo!" George yelled. He quickly caught himself and looked over at Derek.

"She got it when we were in college. It is a heart with wings, and it says 'Love has no boundaries'." The rest of the table sat in shock. First they found out that Addison used to be a Coyote Ugly girl, and now she has a tattoo. None of them had ever pictured Addison as that kind of girl. Derek sat and smiled as he remembered that girl. The one he fell in love with all those years ago.

"Okay folks we have a guest dancer. She used to be a Coyote, and now she has agreed to dance with us again. So let's hear a round of applause for Addison, if you yell loud enough, maybe she will be compelled to do a body shot?" The men in the bar went crazy and Addison just stood on the bar laughing. As the music began Addison began to dance with all the other girls to their signature song "Devil". Derek smiled as he watched her dance. She definitely still had the body to go with the job. As he watched the other men watching her, his blood began to boil. He tried to convince himself that he no longer had the right to feel jealous. The song finally came to an end, and Addison had not missed one step in the entire dance. Once the music stopped all the men began to chant "body shot". Addison kept shaking her head, but the yelling kept getting louder. She finally consented and lay down on the bar. A tall attractive young man was picked out to be the one to take the shot. He did so and all the men went crazy. The young man helped Addison down and she slowly walked over to the group in the back.

"Mind if I join you guys?" she asked out of breath.

"Sure." Derek and Meredith scooted over so she could sit beside them. "So anymore surprises for us Dr. Montgomery?" Izzie asked.

"Izzie outside of work it is Addison or Addi, and no. You have probably seen the tattoo and now you know what I used to do so no, no more surprises."

**-That Night- Addison's Apartment.-**

Meredith had insisted that Derek take Addison home, so she wouldn't have to take a cab. He walked with her up to her door and she let him. "Do you want something to drink?" Addison asked as she got herself a bottle of water.

"No, thanks though."

"Okay, I am going to go change." A few minutes later Addison walked out with her shirt still on. "Derek can you untie this string? I can't get it."

"Sure." Derek walked over to her and untied the string. His hands on her bare back sent shivers all over her body. After he untied it he slowly ran his hand over her bare back.

"Derek…" she whispered softly.

He quickly caught himself and pulled away. "Well I should go, goodnight Addi."

Addison turned to face him. She placed her hand on his face. Pulling him to her, she quickly placed her lips on his. The kiss quickly escalated, but Derek pulled away. "Why does life have to be so complicated?" Addison asked with tears in her eyes.

"I don't know." He said as he lovingly caressed her face. "I have to go."

"I know. Goodnight Derek."

"Goodnight Addison." He turned and left quickly before he could think twice about turning her away. He wanted her, but he could not do it again. He could not cheat on another woman again. He would remain faithful, even if it killed him.

A/N- I apologize for the delay, some family problems got in the way. Hope you enjoyed and please review.


	7. Maybe We Could Give Us Another Go

**A/N-** Glad you enjoyed the last chapter. The last chapter was much lighter than the previous ones. This one is definitely more serious, but I still hope you enjoy it. I promise that there will still be fun in the story.

Derek sat and nursed his scotch. As he slowly took a long sip it burned all the way down his throat. He slowly tightened his eyes as the warm liquid worked its way down. As he watched the rain pour down he felt the alcohol begin to takes it effect on him. The memories of the past week flooded his mind; all of them painful to relive. He stood up angrily and threw the empty glass against the door of the trailer. He had decided to stay there for the night, since Meredith was on call. He needed a place to unwind, a place to cool off, and to think about how to fix his problem. The main problem was he didn't know if it was even possible to fix his problem. Derek stood up and walked to the window overlooking the porch. That's when he saw her. She was sitting there in the rain; just sitting. Derek grabbed an umbrella and his coat and walked outside to her. "Addi…" he said softly. She jerked her head up and looked at him like a deer caught in the headlights. She jumped up and began to run to her car. Derek quickly caught up with her and grabbed her arm, spinning her around to face him. "Addi where are you going?"

She looked down at the mud and then back up at him. The rain was coming down hard, and she was having a hard time seeing because of the rain falling down her face. "I don't know, I don't why I am even here! I have nothing to say to you, and I know that you obviously have nothing to say to me. I am just going to go."

"Addi no don't leave."

"Stop calling me Addi; every time you do I am reminded of times when you were a decent loving man who cared for me. Don't ruin that sentiment by using it anymore." With that she ripped her arm out of his grip and stormed to her car.

Derek watched her leave and went back inside the trailer. He slumped down onto the bed and ran his hands over his face.

**-Flashback -2 Days ago-**

Addison had been avoiding Derek all morning. She was not going to speak to him after the stunt he pulled two days ago at Adele and the Chief's Christmas dinner at theirhouse. How could he be so inconsiderate? She had trusted him, and cared for him. Heck, she loved him. Addison stood at the nurses' station filling out paperwork when she saw Derek coming near her. She closed her chart and quickly began to walk in the other direction. "Addison!" he called out to her, but she simply ignored him. "Addi wait!" She walked faster, but he caught up with her. "Talk to me Addi."

"No." she said forcefully.

Derek grabbed her arm and pulled her into an empty room. "Addison talk to me."

"No, no, no!" she yelled as tears rolled down her face. "I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to see you, or have you touch me or anything!" She tried to push away from him, but he wouldn't let her. "Let me go!" she yelled.

"No, I am not going to let you go until you listen to me. Now look at me." Addison purposely looked down. "Look at me." He said more forcefully. Once she did he began. "I love you Addison, which is why I said what I said. I care about you, don't you see that? I am still in love with you no matter how much I don't want to be. When he touched you or held you it made me sick."

"If you love me then you wouldn't have said what you said, if you loved me you would have fought for me back then, if you loved me you would have seen me and cared about me instead of ignoring me, if you loved me…if you loved me…." She began to sob and he pulled her to his chest. She continued to try and pull away, but he held tight. "Will you ever let me heal?"

Derek pulled her back and looked into her wet eyes. "What do you mean?"

"Every time you say that you care about me I fall for you even more, but then not two days later you will go and rip my heart out. Derek I just want to heal, I just want to be normal again. If you love me you will stop showing me that you love me."

"Addison, I can't…"

She shushed him with her fingers. "Please Derek; stop loving me…please…please." She melted in his arms and began to cry again.

"If it means that much to you…then I will." He lifted her face so she could see the sincerity in his eyes. Slowly he pulled her face to his and kissed her lightly. He pulled away but she pulled him back in. They kissed until the spark was gone. "Goodbye Addi, I…I will always be here when you need me."

Addison licked her lips and nodded. "I know. Goodbye Derek." Addison ran a hand over her face and quickly left the room; Derek soon followed.

**-End of Flashback-**

Derek looked down at his hands and saw the light line that was left behind by his wedding band. How could he go the rest of his life without talking to Addison? He was going to have fix things; he was going to have to do something. Derek hopped into his car and headed toward Addison's apartment. As he sped through the pelting rain he turned the radio on hoping for some noise, until a song came on that took him back to the dreadful night at the Chief's house.

**-Flashback- 4 Days Ago-**

Derek stood with his arm around Meredith and began to talk to Preston and Christina. "So what do you guys have planned for the holidays?" Preston asked the couple.

Derek looked over at Meredith and gave her a small smile. "We were going to go see my family in New York, but that fell through, so we are just going to spend it together here in Seattle." Derek had begged Meredith to go with him to visit his family, but she had declined saying she did not want to leave her mother alone on the holidays. Derek knew it was just an excuse, but he took it and moved on.

"Really? I am taking Christina to Alabama to meet my family; she is really…dreading it." He said jokingly as she jabbed him in the ribs. Just as the couples' laughter died down the doorbell rang.

Adele quickly rushed to get it and ushered the couple on the other side in. "Hey darlin' how are you? And who is this handsome young man?"

"Oh this is David O'Conner. He is the new OBGYN that is going to be helping me out at the hospital."

"Nice to meet you." David said politely.

Adele shook David's hand, and it was obvious that she was taken with him. "It is my pleasure, trust me."

Derek was curious at to who was there so he left the group and went to the front door. He saw who had just arrived and with whom they had arrived. "Addison, who is your friend?" Derek asked stiffly.

"Oh, this is David O'Conner the new OBGYN."

The two men shook hands and it was clear that Derek did not like this guy. The evening continued uneventfully, except for the continual glares that Derek made toward Addison and David. David would occasionally place his hand on Addison's thigh, or hold her hand which infuriated Derek. Throughout the night he consumed a large amount of alcohol, causing him to not act like himself. Derek saw Addison excuse herself to go to the bathroom, and decided to follow her. She went into the guest bathroom that was connected to the guest bedroom. Derek sat on the bed and waited for her to come out. When Addison stepped out of the bathroom she jumped at the sight of Derek. "Derek, you scared me." She smiled over at him and laid her hand on her stomach. "Your baby is causing me to pee quite frequently." She looked down at him, and saw no emotion in his face. "Are you okay?"

"Am I okay? No Addi I'm not! Who the heck is that guy out there, and why are his hands all over you?" He asked angrily.

"What! His hands are not all over me, and why do you care? We are not together anymore; remember?"

"I know we are not together, but you are carrying my baby, and so I have a right to know about your personal life."

"Just because you are the father of this baby does not give you the right to be in my personal life!" She spat bitterly.

"Are you going to tell him you are pregnant? Or are you just going to sleep with him and make him think it is his that way you can totally remove me from your life." As the last words excited his mouth her right hand connected with his cheek and made a loud slap.

"You have said some low things in your lifetime, but that Derek Michael Sheppard is the lowest you could possibly go. Don't you ever try to talk to me about anything personal again. You can talk about the baby and work and that is it." She turned to leave but he stopped her.

"Addi wait, I'm sorry. I…I…" She put her hand up. "No, you are done explaining." With that she left the room and slammed the door shut. Derek sat back down on the bed and laid his head in his hands. What had he done?

**-End of Flashback-**

Derek's car came to a stop in front of Addison's apartment. He opened the door and stepped out of his car. Derek stood in the rain and watched Addison through her window. Once he finally got up the nerve he marched up to the door and buzzed her apartment. "Addison can you please let me in?" She didn't answer, but he heard the door unlock. He ran up the stairs, instead of taking the elevator. He knocked on her door and once she opened it he stormed in. "Okay I know that you don't want to hear what I have to say, but you are going to. Not because you were my wife, not because you are carrying my baby, but because you used to be and still are my best friend. What I said the other night was said because I was jealous of David. For eleven years you were mine; I could touch you when I wanted, kiss you when I wanted and your body was mine. I know that you are not something to be owned, but to men their wife's body is theirs, not someone else's. When he was showing you the love and affection I couldn't it made me sick, when you would smile at him or blush at one of his compliments it would kill me. I love you Addison, I love you with all my heart. I have told you this time and time again, and each time we don't act on it. I know that we are both scared that we will get hurt again, which is why I have pushed myself away physically, so I won't be tempted to act on it, but I can't do it any longer. Addi I don't want to just be with you physically, but emotionally too. I want to be there for you and our baby, not as a friend, but as a husband. I know that you don't want to just jump back to where we were, but maybe we could make our way back. Everyday I long to see you, to talk to you, and when I can't I go insane. I love you Addi, and I promise I will do anything to help get you back." Derek stopped and took a deep breath waiting for her to respond.

Addison stood silent with no emotion on her face. "You can't promise me that you will always love me, or that you will never ignore me again, because you did once. You did and then you broke that promise. Derek I love you, but I can't give myself away to you again, because if you break me I will never be able to heal again. I can't be with you, I'm sorry. I will let you be my friend, I want you as a friend, but I just can't give myself to you again. Please try to understand. I do love you." She whispered the last sentiment as she walked closer to him. "I love you with all my heart, and it kills me to do this, but we just can't be. No matter how much I want to." A tear slowly slid down her face. "Believe me I want to be with you, all of me wants to be with you, but I just can't. Please don't ask me to be more, because I don't think I could turn you down one more time." She began to sob uncontrollably. "Please…please…" she sobbed.

Derek pulled her to his chest and held her tight. He swallowed the lump in his throat pulled her back. "I will not ask you again. Okay?" She nodded and wiped her eyes as he kissed her forehead then pulled her back to him.

"Derek…" she mumbled into his chest.

"Yeah?"

"You are wet."

He looked down at her and laughed. "Thanks captain obvious. Do you have any clothes I can wear? It is late, and I don't feel like driving back to the trailer."

"Yeah I have a pair of your sweatpants and a t-shirt in my closet." Once they were both dry and in dry clothes they curled up on the couch to watch a movie. "Derek…if…if things don't work out with you and Meredith, maybe we could give us a try just one more time." She said softly.

Derek smiled at this glimmer of hope. "Sounds good to me." He leaned down and kissed her head. "Come on let's watch a movie, but not a stupid chick flick." The two continued to argue until they settled on a movie. They both fell asleep on the couch each clinging tightly to the slight chance of being a couple again.

**A/N-** I know it is shorter than usual, but this was emotionally draining to write. I promise the next few chapters will be more uplifting. Please review.


	8. Not Able to Date

**A/N-** Okay so here is alighter chapter than the last…yipeee! Anyways I hope you enjoy!

**-SGH-4 Weeks Later-**

Derek crept up behind Addison and poked her sides. She jumped up and spun around. "Oh my god Derek, are you trying to kill me?" She placed her hand on her chest. "What are you doing?" She asked as she turned back to her chart.

"I just wanted to come and say hi, but I decided to have a little fun with it." Derek stood beside her and looked over at her chart.

Addison gave him an evil look and quickly shut her chart. "Hey, no chart peeking."

"No fun." He said as he pouted.

Addison took her chart and walked past him. "You always have been a peeping tom." Addison said as she winked at him.

Derek turned and followed her. "Hey the only time I did any peeping was when we were married, and maybe a little while we were engaged and …maybe a little when we were dating, but I promised that the peeping was not at any other woman but you."

Addison turned and looked at him. "Yes, you go ahead and try to redeem yourself." She said sarcastically.

"Hey do you have time for lunch today?" Derek asked as he stood beside her waiting on an elevator.

"I think so; you know I have had many offers for lunch today. The only thing is that every time…" she stopped as the elevator doors opened and they stepped on by themselves. "Every time I tell them that I am pregnant they seem to remember that they have plans. I mean it is like I have a disease." She laughed lightly at this statement, but Derek could tell that being pregnant was bothering her.

"Addi, I'm sorry I got you pregnant."

"Derek I'm not mad that I am pregnant, it's just hard." She looked down at her hands and sighed.

Derek could tell she was still holding back on him, so he stopped the elevator so they could talk. "Talk to me Ad."

"It's nothing Derek. I can handle it." She reached to push the elevator button back on, but Derek stopped her.

"Addison Forbes Montgomery suck up your pride and tell me what is bothering you." He said sternly.

Addison looked up at him and nodded. "I just…I miss being with someone. I mean I can't date anymore or at least not for the next six months. I miss hanging out with men and having them want me, you know really want me. Now that I am pregnant they all run in the opposite direction. And since I am starting to show it won't be long before I won't even have to tell them that I am pregnant, they will already know." Addison crossed her arms and looked down at her feet, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"Addi why didn't you tell me you felt like that?" She shrugged. "I tell you what; Bailey is taking her interns to go with her to do a surgery at Vandi, so why don't you and I have a date. Nothing serious, but just get out of the house, have a fancy dinner, go see a movie, take a ride on a ferry boat. How does that sound?"

"Really?" Addison asked excitedly.

Derek pushed the stop button on the elevator so that it began to go up again. "Really, and you better look good; although that takes no effort from you."

Addison blushed at the compliment. "Thank you kind sir."

Derek stepped closer and laid his hand on her slightly protruding stomach. "I am going to take you and baby out for dinner. Sunday at seven, be ready at your house okay?"

Addison nodded. "I will be ready, and so will baby."

"Okay sounds good. Don't forget to meet me for lunch." Derek said as he leaned in and kissed her cheek.

"Hey it's me and food buddy, I will not forget." She yelled back at him as they both went down opposite directions in the hall. She heard Derek's laugh which caused her to smile. Her smile quickly faded when she saw the angry look on Meredith's face. "Good morning Dr. Grey." Addison said cheerily.

"How can you respect yourself?" Meredith asked bitterly.

"What are you talking about? If this has anything to do with what just happened trust me you have nothing to worry about."

"I am talking about you being all over my boyfriend! You know what; it is pathetic that you are using your pregnancy as an excuse. You are probably wondering how I heard your conversation! Well the elevator was on the same floor as me, and you know what those walls aren't as thick as you think." Meredith walked closer to Addison and leaned in. "Why can't you just leave us alone? Why can't you just accept that he doesn't want to be with you anymore?"

Addison was furious, but she remained calm. "I am only going to say this once, so listen up. I am Derek's friend, not his lover or his mistress." She lowered her voice so that they would not draw attention. "He offered to take me out, I did not ask him. And I am not using my pregnancy as an excuse for anything. Just so you know you and a select few are the only people who even know that I am pregnant. Look I don't have to defend myself to you." Addison took a deep breath and smiled. "I will talk to you later Dr. Grey, excuse me I have to attend to a patient." Addison brushed past her and made her way down the hall.

Meredith looked up and saw Izzie giving her a dirty look. Since when had Izzie become such a big fan of the redheaded doctor? Izzie walked over to her and leaned in. "You need to get used to the fact, that he will always have her in his life. If you don't like that, then you are going to have a hard relationship." Izzie began to walk away, but Meredith stopped her.

"It's not her Iz…it's him. He is the one starting everything. I don't what to tell him to make him stop being so close to her." Meredith ran a hand through her hair. "Tell me what to do Izzie."

"Tell him, talk to him honestly. Don't let him back out of the conversation. He'll listen to you."

"Yeah he'll listen, and then he will run to her."

"Don't let him run, and he won't." Izzie patted her friend's back and then went back to work. Meredith was going to talk to him, but it would have to be after she got back.

**-Sunday Night- Addison's Apartment-**

Addison stood in her bedroom looking at herself in the full length mirror. She was wearing a black sleeveless dress that went to a v-shaped in the back. The front went to the mid chest, but it did not dip low. She was trying to pick out which shoes would go better with the dress. The doorbell rang and she rushed to the door sliding past it at first because of her panty hose. "Hey." She said breathless.

Derek laughed at her standing there with curlers in her hair and no shoes. "I told you to be ready by seven, and it's seven." He said as he tapped his watch.

Addison rolled her eyes and walked back to her bedroom "Yeah I know I am almost ready."

"That's okay; I lied and told you to be ready an hour before you were supposed to be."

"Yeah I figured that you did, so that is why I am not so worried." Addison took her curlers out and finished up her makeup and shoes. She walked out into the living room and saw Derek sitting on her couch with a coke in hand. "Make yourself at home." She said sarcastically.

"Well I am here half of the time, so I figured I might as well."

"Yeah about that;" Addison said as she was getting her coat and purse. "You need to get your clothes out of my closet or someone is going to think that you live here, and that would not go over well."

Derek helped her put her coat on and chuckled. "Okay I will get it once we get back."

"About that where are we going?" She asked curiously as she pulled her hair out of the back of her coat.

"You'll see, now come on Montgomery." Derek took Addison's hand and led her downstairs to the cab that was waiting for them.

**-Parrae-**

Derek took Addison's hand and helped her out of the cab and paid the driver. Addison looked around at the restaurant. "Derek's it is beautiful." The restaurant sat right on the river. You could see all of Seattle and most importantly it had a good view of all the ferry boats.

"I hoped you would like it." He took her arm and escorted her inside. Their table sat right beside the large window and overlooked the water. "Okay, so while we are out on this date there will be speaking of work, significant others, anything stressful, just basic fun stuff."

"Sounds good to me." Addison settled into the chair and began to peruse the menu. "I think that I am going to get the chicken with the steamed vegetables, and potato. Oh, but the steak sounds really good too." Addison chewed lightly on her fingernail as she tried to decide.

"Addi don't chew on your nails, you just did them." Derek said as he moved her hand away from her mouth.

"How did you know I just did my nails? Oh lord Derek don't tell me your gay!" she said jokingly.

Derek rolled his eyes and smiled at her. "No I am not gay, and you always do your nails when you go out on a date." He said simply.

"So this is a date?" she asked as she cocked her eyebrow.

"You know what I mean." The waitress came over at that time and took their orders. "So Addison I happened to notice that your tattoo is not visible tonight, why is that?" He asked with an evil grin.

"It is the miracle of makeup. Whenever I go out somewhere nice I usually cover it up. Mainly because most people in my profession are not used to seeing their colleges with tattoos." She smiled as she took a sip of water. "So, Derek tell me about yourself." Addison said as she placed her chin in her hand and looked over at him.

"Well I was born in Maine, but I grew up in New York. I come from a long line of doctors, so I really didn't have much of a choice when it came to what I did. I never really did date in high school, but in college I met this really cool girl."

"Oh now the story is getting interesting." She said as she smiled.

"I met her at a bar, we talked and figured out that we both went to the same school and were going to be interning at the same hospital. Anyways I really liked her and after a little while I realized that I loved her." Derek stopped and swallowed hard.

"What happened to her?" she whispered lightly and leaned in closer.

"I…I married her. It was great I never knew that I could be so happy." Derek looked down at his hands. "Anyways we were married for eleven years, and I started to ignore her. She meant everything to me and I stopped showing that to her." Derek stopped as the waitress placed their food in front of them. "She…she had an affair with my best friend to try and get my attention."

"Did it work?" She asked quietly.

"Not really. To make a long story short we got divorced, and now she is pregnant with my kid."

"Wow, you two sure have a weird relationship."

"Yeah we do, but I wouldn't trade that relationship for anything in the world."

Addison smiled. "My guess is that she feels the same way."

The night continued with good and quirky conversation. They went and saw an old movie that was playing in theaters and sat in the back and talked the whole time. Once they got back to Addison's house Derek walked in and went to her stereo and turned it on. The song Unforgettable began to play throughout the apartment. "May I have this dance?" Derek asked as he extended his hand.

"Yes you may." She said as she took his hand in hers. Addison laid her head on his shoulder_. "Derek…" she whispered. _

"_Hmm?" _

_She took a deep breath and the let it out. "Do you still love your ex-wife?" _

_Derek looked out the window as they swayed and his eyes glazed over. "Yes, but she doesn't feel the same way." _

"_Maybe she does she is just afraid to be hurt, or maybe she doesn't want to lose you all together." _

"_Addi…" _

"_No, Derek this is driving me crazy!" Addison pushed away from him and walked toward the window. "Meredith heard our conversation today and she was very upset. Derek you can't keep doing this. You can't keep telling me that you love me, and stay with Meredith. She doesn't deserve that, I don't deserve that." _

"_Addison just the other night you told me that you didn't or couldn't be with me, so why are you upset that I am still with Meredith?" _

"_I am upset because you keep showing me how you love me, you keep telling me how you love me, but I can't act on it, because you are still with her." Addison laid her hand on the cool window pain. "I love you, I have always loved you, but you forgot about me. Derek you have no idea what it feels like to become last on your husband's list of importance. It killed me, and you never noticed. How do I know that you will not do it again? I don't and neither do you." _

"_Addison I know that I probably sound dense, but what are you saying?" _

_Addison turned to face him. "I am saying that I am moving. I am moving back to New York." _

_Derek stood with his mouth agape. "Addi what are you talking about." _

"_Tonight is goodbye Derek. You can come up for the birth and to visit the baby, but I don't want you to come unless you have to." _

"_Is there anything I say to make you change your mind?" Derek asked desperately._

_Addison hesitated and looked into his pleading blue eyes. "No." She said shakily. _

_Derek nodded and looked down at the floor and then back up at her. "Okay, well then goodbye Ad." Derek didn't hug her or give her a kiss he simply grabbed his coat and left. Addison slid down the wall and began to sob. She had hoped that he would try and stop her, but he didn't which obviously proved that he didn't want her. _

_**-6 Hours Later- Addison's Apartment-**_

_Derek had been walking around Seattle and sitting in a local bar since he left Addison's apartment. He knew that he loved her and that if she moved to New York he would be miserable. That is when he made the decision. He picked up his cell phone and called Meredith. Derek sat and calmly told her that they were over. Meredith didn't handle it well, but he remained adamant. After the long phone call he made his way to Addison's apartment and knocked on her door. She slowly came to the door wearing a pair of basketball shorts and a white tank top. "Derek what are you doing here?" _

"_How about pizza?" _

"_What?" she asked confused. _

"_When I was trying to get you to out with me you kept saying no, and I finally asked if there was anything I could say to make you change your mind. You said no, and then I said how about pizza, and amazingly you agreed. So Addison, how about some pizza?" _

"_Derek this isn't funny." Addison said angrily. _

"_I know, believe me I know." Derek walked over to her and stood inches away. "It is over between me and Meredith. I just ended it." _

"_Derek you can't break up with her over the phone, no one deserves that." _

"_I love you Addison." Derek seemed to ignore her statement. _

"_I am not going to be your rebound girl Derek." _

"_I love you Addison." Derek repeated more slowly and he took her face in his hands. "I could not live without you that is how much I love you. Please believe me." He lovingly caressed her face. _

"_I do, I just can't let go." She said as tears slid down her face. _

"_I will be right here to catch you, I promise. Jump with me." Derek and Addison stood in the moonlight letting it cast its glow upon their faces. "Jump with me Addison." Derek whispered. "I'll catch you…" Just then Addison forced her lips upon his and began to embrace him. They continued to kiss as the passion ignited within them both. _

_Addison pushed away and looked into his eyes. "Don't let me fall." She pleaded. _

"_Never." He said as he took her face in his hands. _

"Addison, Addison,…" Derek called out her name.

Addison's head whipped up and she looked up at Derek. "What's going on?"

"I don't know you tell me." He said as he smiled weakly. "I was dancing with you and then you got really heavy, so I called out your name. I think you fell asleep." He said as he brushed away a stray piece of hair. "My kid must be draining you of all your energy."

Addison tried to laugh it off, but was failing miserably. "Yeah, I guess you are right." Addison stood back and turned around. "Could you unzip my..." She stopped and looked over her shoulder to him. "Maybe I should get someone else to unzip it, last time we almost got in trouble."

Derek smiled and motioned for her to turn around. "I think I can control myself. There you are all unzipped."

"Thanks, wait here and I will come say bye." She walked to her bedroom and changed into her pajamas. She came back out in a pair of old shorts and a ribbed sleeveless shirt. "Goodnight." She said as she gave him a hug.

"Night Ad." He said as he kissed her lightly on the lips. Both felt the electricity between them, but they simply ignored it. "Goodnight baby." Derek said as he kissed her stomach. "I will see you tomorrow at work, right?"

"Yep, I'll be there. Oh and where will you be next Tuesday?"

"The doctor's office with you." He smiled proudly. "Hah, I didn't forget. You thought I would, but I didn't."

Addison placed her hand on her hip. "Yeah, well you still have to remember it for five more days, so we will see if you do."

Derek cringed. "Crap, I'm screwed."

"Yep you are." Addison laughed with Derek and gave him one last hug. "I promise I won't let you forget."

"I know you won't." He smiled and leaned in. "Goodnight Addison."

"Goodnight Derek." She said as she slowly pushed him out the door. "I will see you tomorrow." Addison closed the door and started to walk away, when there was a knock at the door. "Derek it is time for you to go." She said loudly.

"Addison please let me in. I think something is wrong."

Addison opened the door and saw Derek standing there with Izzie lying in his arms. "What happened?"

Derek rushed in with her. "I don't know she came up to me saying she was here to see you and then she just passed out."

"Lay her on the couch." Addison said as she followed him. "I'll call 911."

**A/N-** Hey, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. In case you didn't understand the stuff in italics was all a dream/ wish. Addison will deal with that in the next chapter. The ending for this surprised me, I had not planned on putting that in there, but the powers that be decided different. Please review I love them.


	9. Facing Your Demons

A/N-Sorry for the delay. I have no excuses. Hope you enjoy this next chapter.

Addison ran into the living room and stared down at the inert body lying on her couch. She gently pushed away a stray piece of blonde hair. "So what did she say again?"

Derek ran a hand through his hair. "All she said was that she was here to see you, and then she just collapsed." Derek walked closer to Addison and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Were you expecting her?"

Addison shook her head no. "I wasn't expecting anyone. Why didn't she go with the other interns?" Addison placed a hand on Izzie's stomach and could feel that it was slightly swollen. Her brow furrowed as she stood in thought. "We need to get her to the hospital so I can run some tests on her. Can you carry her to the car?"

Derek nodded and lifted the limp body into his arms. As they sped through the streets of Seattle the rain began to pour down. Addison looked out the window and watched the drops slide down. She remembered being a small girl and picking out two rain drops who would have a "race" to the bottom of the windshield. These thoughts caused her to smile and she looked back at Izzie, who was lying in the back seat. What was wrong with her? Why was she sick? And most importantly why had she come to see Addison? As they pulled into the emergency room entrance Addison got out of the car and went inside. She was still wearing her short shorts and t-shirt, and she didn't care who saw her. She walked up to the front desk and told the nurse to call up to the fourth floor and to have them ready an exam room with an ultrasound machine waiting for her. The nurse did as she was told and two guys from the transport department helped Derek load Izzie up onto a stretcher. Derek walked with Addison behind the stretcher. "What do you think is wrong with her?" he asked quietly.

Addison shrugged. "I don't know." She said softly. "All I can tell you is that it doesn't look good."

**-Two Days Later- Outside Izzie's Hospital Room-**

Meredith slid down the wall outside of Izzie's hospital room. The whole team of interns had been told to come back to Seattle because there was an emergency with Izzie. Once they got there they realized that Izzie was in bad shape, but she was luckily not considered in critical condition. She would indeed live, but would she ever be the same? The interns had been informed that Izzie had had a bad miscarriage. They all breathed a sigh of relief to know that she would be okay physically. However, Meredith knew by the expression on Addison's face as she told them all this that bad news was coming. The bad news was that Izzie was not responding. Her eyes were open and her vitals were good, but she would not respond to any outside conversation. All of the interns were encouraged to try and talk to her, but she continued to remain in her previous state. As Meredith relived the past few days she felt someone sit down next to her. "She is going to be okay." said the smooth voice beside her.

Meredith looked over at Derek and nodded. "Yeah, but will she ever be the same? I mean it's like we talk to her, but nothing is getting through to her." She said exasperated.

"Maybe it is because she knows that none of you can really empathize with her. I mean why should she listen to people who have no idea what she is going through? Sure you can sympathize with her, but can you really empathize with her?"

Meredith thought about what he was saying and saw the truth in what he said. "Well even if that is true I don't know who else could talk to her."

"Ask Addison to talk to her." He said softly as he stood up.

"What?" Meredith asked in confusion.

"You heard me." He said over his shoulder as he walked down the hall.

Meredith sighed and contemplated asking Addison. She slowly stood up and walked in the direction of the NICU. She had gotten everyone else to talk to Izzie, why not Addison?

**-NICU-**

Addison was standing in the corner of the room fervently charting. Meredith slowly approached and cleared her throat. Addison looked up and gave her a small smile. "What can I do for you Dr. Grey?"

Meredith bit her bottom lip and nervously moved her hands. "Well…I…was…" she sighed and looked up at Addison. "I wanted to know if you would talk to Izzie. I normally wouldn't have asked you, but Derek told me to ask you. I guess he thinks that maybe you can help her." Meredith took a deep breath and continued. "So I came here to ask you to help my friend." Meredith chuckled lightly. "You seem pretty good at taking care of them." She of course was referring to Christina and now Izzie.

Addison smiled a warm smile. "I'll talk to her." She said softly and turned to walk away then stopped. "Meredith," she paused. "You are good at taking care of them too." With that note of encouragement she left.

Meredith smiled and turned to look at the little baby behind her. "Why can't she be mean so I can hate her?" she asked the small child. The baby simply stayed asleep and did not respond to her remark. "Yeah, sometimes I wish I could turn back time and fix all my mistakes. I bet your mom wishes she could turn back time and fix you." Meredith stayed silent as she thought. "Although, you wouldn't be you if she fixed you. So, I wouldn't be me if I went back and fixed all of my mistakes, now would I." She chuckled as the little baby slowly opened its eyes and looked at her. "Okay, I'll shut up and let you go back to sleep. Thanks for listening." She slowly turned and walked out of the room and softly laughed at herself for talking to a baby. In all reality she had been more open with that baby then she had with an adult. Maybe it was because the baby could not talk back to her, or because she knew it would not judge her.

**-Izzie's Room-**

Addison walked in quietly and looked over at Izzie's still body. She quietly walked over to her bedside and pulled up a chair. "Izzie, I know that you don't want to talk, so I figured that I would do the talking." She sighed and took a deep breath. "I once knew this couple who were so cute together. They did everything together and were amazing together. Anyways, they had been married for about nine years when they found out that they were going to have a baby. They were so excited, and the husband would tell everyone he knew that he was going to be a father. It was so cute." She smiled and laughed lightly. "Well, when she was about six months pregnant they were going somewhere special on their anniversary. He would not tell her where they were going because he wanted to surprise her. As they pulled through a light someone ran a red light and t-boned them. The impact was on her side." Addison looked down at her hands and tears formed in her eyes. "The doctors tried everything, but they could not save the baby and the mom. They asked the father that if it came down to one or the other which would it be, and he said for them to save the mother. Once the mother woke up she knew something was wrong, she could feel that the baby was gone. Her husband told her what had happened and she became furious with him for saving her instead of the baby." Addison looked up at Izzie and was surprised to Izzie looking at her. "Instead of comforting each other, they were yelling. For weeks they were angry at each other. It drove them away." She said through tears. "It drove me and Derek away from each other. It took us months before we had forgiven each other, and even now we still have buried feelings about that night." She tightly closed her eyes and let the tears trickle down her face. "To this day Izzie I miss my baby. To this day I ache when I think about him. He was my son, and I loved him then as much as I do now. But Izzie if you don't forgive yourself, if you don't try and move on, then you might as well stop living. And right now I know that that sounds like a good idea, because I felt the same way. But trust me there are so many people who would be devastated if you died. Izzie they love you, just like Derek loved me. He wanted me to get better and in a way I did, but never really." She sighed and scooted over and sat on Izzie's bed. "You will always miss that baby, but she is still right here." Addison gently placed her hand on Izzie's heart. "She will never leave you." Izzie looked up at her and tears slowly fell down her face. "Izzie you can never ever lose that baby." She choked out through sobs. "She will always be your baby, and you…you will always love her." Izzie's body became racked with sobs and she slowly sat up and wrapped her arms around Addison. Addison pulled her tight and rocked her slowly as she cried. "Shhhh, now there. Just let it out sweetie, just let it out."

Izzie sobbed into Addison's neck. "It hurts. It hurts so much."

Tears continued to flow down Addison's face. "I know, I know." The two sat like this for a while. Neither one knew how long, all they knew was that finally they had found someone who understood why they hurt, someone who could feel their pain.

**-On Call Room-**

Addison quickly walked into the on call room and shut the door behind her. It was pitch black, and she was glad of it. She had just left Izzie, who had cried herself to sleep. Addison was happy that Izzie had finally broken and that now she could face her problems. But now, now it was Addison's turn to be alone with her demons. She slid down the wall and buried her face in her hands. The sobs that she had once had control on now took the reigns. Her body being too heavy to hold up, she lay down on the cold floor. Typically she would have never lain down on a hospital floor, but today was not a typical day. Today she was letting the coldness of the floor seep into her body. Maybe, just maybe, it would freeze her soul and she would quit hurting. She knew that this was a stupid thought, but at that moment she would have done anything to make the pain stop. She staid in that position for a few minutes before the door opened. She could not see who was staring at her; all she could see was an outline. "Addison." The voice said softly. She closed her eyes and sighed. She knew that voice. The figure sat down on the floor next to her. "Come here." The figure said with open arms. Like a small child, she crawled helpless into his arms.

"Derek, I miss him. Why does it still have to hurt this much?" she cried.

"I know baby. I still hurt just as much too." He lovingly ran his hand through her hair. "I don't think it will ever stop hurting, but this little one will help ease the pain." He said as he rubbed her small stomach. Addison's tears had slowed and her breath was getting back to normal. "Now, why don't I tell the chief that you need to go home and I will take you home?"

"Okay." She said softly.

"Okay." He softly kissed her temple. "Sit on the bed and I will go talk to the chief." She nodded and did as she was told. After Derek told the chief he came back and found her sound asleep. Derek smiled and went to get her things. He arrived a few minutes later with her coat and bag. He gently placed her coat around her and lifted her up into his arms. As he walked down the hall with a sleeping Addison in his arms many workers stopped to look at the sight. Derek grinned as he heard one of the nurses call him McDreamy. He did not see himself as McDreamy, he was just Derek.

**-Addison's Apartment-**

Addison slowly opened her eyes and looked around. At first she was confused by her surroundings, but she quickly realized that she was at home in her bed. The last thing she remembered was being at the hospital in an on call room. She slowly crawled out of bed and trudged into the living room. She was hit with a familiar smell coming from the kitchen. She walked into the kitchen and found Derek setting the table with spaghetti, salad, bread, and wine for him and water for her. "Hey, is it okay if I stay with you tonight? Meredith is working at the hospital and…"

"No." she cut him off with a curt reply.

He stopped setting the table and looked up at her. "What?"

"Stop, just stop." She said as she ran her hand through her hair.

"Addie what is wrong with you?" he asked as he approached her.

"Nothing, I just have to…you can't stay here tonight." She turned around and walked into the living room, hoping to escape a conflict.

"Addison…wait…why?"

"Because I am moving." She said weakly. "I'm going home to New York. I am leaving next week." She closed her eyes tightly and demanded that the tears stay back.

He stood in shock, not knowing what to say. "Addison…I…"

"Tonight is goodbye." She said as she turned to face him. "I want…I need tonight to be goodbye."

A/N- I told you that she would later think about that dream. Okay, so I know that her deciding to move seems really rash, but next chapter she will explain how and when she decided to move. Next chapter will probably be sad…but maybe with a little something at the end. (evil grin)


	10. All I Want for Christmas is You

A/N- Glad to see that everyone is enjoying the last chapter. I hope you enjoy this one as much as you did the last.

"I want…I need this to be goodbye."

"What?" Derek asked in shock. "Addison you can't leave."

"Why not Derek?" she asked angrily. "I have nothing here. I have no friends, a job that is more demanding than my one in New York, people here look at me and see a women who had an affair, I have nothing Derek."

"You have me!" he said as he pointed at himself.

"No, Derek, I don't. I thought I did; I thought that I had you and that you wanted to have me, but I was wrong. I never had you, and I never will." Addison looked down at her hands and sighed.

"Addison you have me, and you always have." He said softly.

"Then why are you still with Meredith? Why are you still torturing me? You tell me that you want me and then when you have me you go and have sex with Meredith. Derek if you loved then you would treat me like you loved me. You would treat me like you did before the whole baby and the affair." Addison walked closer to him. "Do you remember how happy we were back then? How we could sense that the other was on the same hospital floor. We used to be able to tell each other how we felt through our eyes; Derek now I can't even tell if you are happy or sad or anything. Your eyes are dark and cold, even now."

Derek stood and thought about what she said. He had never thought that his eyes were cold or dark, but maybe he never realized how much hate and resentment he had built up towards Addi. "Addi my eyes have always been open for you to see through." He said as he stood inches away from her.

"No they haven't. It has been months since I have really been able to see into them."

"Your eyes haven't been that inviting either." He said softly. Addison whipped her head up and glared at him. "Don't take it offensively; I am just saying that you haven't looked the same. Your eyes have looked sadder, unhappy; although I bet I had a lot to do with that." Derek cupped her cheek in his hand. "Addison you can't run away from your problems. I should know; I have been doing it my entire life." Addison looked up into his eyes and saw the sincerity of his words coming through. Derek removed his hand and stuffed both of them into his coat pockets. "Look I know that I can't stop you from leaving, and no matter what I tell you, you will be on the next plane to New York, but I just want you to know that I love you." Addi tried to say something, but Derek stopped her. "I just wanted you to know that I love you; that I always have and always will. I want you to know that you are my best friend, and if you ever need me just call and I will be right there for you." Derek turned around and took his keys of off the coffee table and walked towards the door. Addison followed him in shock. She could not believe that he was actually letting her go without a fight. Derek opened the door and then stopped. He looked back at her and smiled. "Goodbye Addison Forbes Montgomery. I will miss you." He leaned in, kissed her cheek, then left.

"Goodbye Derek." She whispered and watched the door shut.

**-1 Week Later-**

Derek was sitting at his kitchen table eating breakfast when the doorbell rang. He went to answer the door assuming it was the mail man, since he had been expecting a package. He opened the door and was surprised by who stood on the other side. "Addison what are you doing here? I thought your flight left this morning."

Addison looked down at her feet then back up at him. "I just wanted to stop by and give you this." She handed him a manila envelope that had his name on the front. "Just promise me that you won't read it until I am gone."

"Okay, I promise."

"Thanks. Bye." She quickly turned around and went back to her taxi.

Derek closed the door and went back to his breakfast. He laid the envelope down next to him and studied it. What could Addison have possibly put in the folder? Derek finished his cereal, put the bowl in the sink, and took the envelope with him into the living room. He sat down on the floor in front of the coffee table and poured out the contents of envelope. Before him was a picture of him and Addison, a plane ticket, and a letter. He grabbed the letter and quickly opened it. He pulled it out and began to read Addison's writing.

_My Darling Derek,_

_I am writing you this letter to explain to you the reasoning behind my moving to New York. It is not because you are doing something wrong; it is because I am doing something wrong. You see every time I see you with Meredith I get sick to my stomach. Not because I hate her, but because I hate myself. When I see her I am reminded of how we used to be. How you used to look at me and talk to me, before I had the affair. I blame myself for the way our marriage ended, and I blame myself for you not being totally committed to Meredith. For the past few months I have tried to be just friends with you, but I began to realize that I wasn't ready to be just friends, that I will never be ready to be just friends. Derek I love you, and no matter how much I tell myself that I don't my heart tells me I do. I have already ruined our relationship, and I do not want to ruin yours and Meredith's. But if I don't leave then that is exactly what I will do. I know that you still have feelings for me, but I also know that they are not like they used to be. You see me as a friend, and I see…want to see you as so much more. I hope that you understand what I am saying, and that you see I am not leaving because of you. About the baby; you are welcome to come for the birth, in fact I would really love for you to be there. I have purchased you a ticket for the month of April. I hope you will use it and come to see me and our baby. You will always be welcome to visit us, and I will never keep you from seeing your child. You are probably wondering about the photo. I found it when I was packing the other night. I hope you remember that date that you took me on. Well apparently they take pictures of the couples who are there, and mail the couple the picture. They mailed it to me and here is the extra copy. I love the smile on your face and how happy we look. I hope that this will be how you remember us. I hope you will always remember me as the woman who you once loved, not the woman who cheated on you. Lastly Derek I would like to ask for your forgiveness. I know I have done some stupid things and I want you to forgive me for those. I love you Derek, and I hope to see you in April. _

_With all of my love, _

_Addison Forbes Montgomery_

The tears were slowly forming in Derek's eyes. He didn't understand why she thought it was her fault. How could she have ever thought that the reason his and Meredith's relationship had been rocky was because of her? Derek sighed and looked around the empty house. It looked so different from his home in New York. Addison had always loved the classic, clean, rich look. She had decorated their house to look just like a Pottery Barn magazine. He chuckled as he remembered that most of their furniture was in fact from Pottery Barn. But his house in Seattle was different. Meredith preferred the modern look with clean lines and solid clean colors. He loved their house in Seattle, but to him it didn't feel homey. It almost felt cold and sterile if no one was home. Derek smiled as he remembered the house he and Addison once had in Italy. They had both fallen in love with it on their honeymoon, so when they had enough money they bought the small house. It was old and rustic, but beautiful. They would escape there every summer, and spend their days shopping, walking, or riding their horses. He always remembered how happy Addison was when she was there. He remembered how beautiful she looked under the Tuscan sun. Derek had asked Meredith once if she would like to go to Italy with him and spend time in the house, but she had told him that she couldn't leave work. Derek sat down on the couch and contemplated both of the women in his life. To him they were as different as night and day, and could not understand why he had fallen in love with both.

**-December 23rd- Manhattan, New York-**

Derek walked down the street, inhaling the familiar scent of winter in New York. He could smell the street vendors mixed with the white snow. He had convinced Meredith to go with him to New York for Christmas, and he had never felt better. The more he inhaled the purer he felt. It was as if the air could purify his soul. Meredith had declined the walk he offered her, saying she wanted to take a nap. He knew that she was uncomfortable in New York, and he understood that if he married her it would be seldom he could visit this great city. He continued to walk; not paying attention to where he was going. His mind began to travel to Addison. He had not spoken to her since she left, except when he called her and asked her for her address. The conversation had been short and impersonal. Since then he had had no contact with her. Derek snapped out of his reverie as he looked up the steps of a small brownstone. He looked at the address and realized he had walked to Addison's house. As if on autopilot he walked up the steps and pushed the doorbell. He stood there and waited as he saw a figure approach the door. "Hello." She said before she realized who it was. "Derek!" she squealed and jumped into his arms. "Oh my god! What are you doing here?" she asked as he sat her down.

"Meredith and I came here for Christmas." He said as Addison ushered him in. He looked her over and smiled and her now well pronounced stomach. "Looks like the baby is doing good." He said with a proud smile.

Addison rolled her eyes. "Yeah, this baby is making me feel like a whale." She said sarcastically. "How have you been doing?" she asked as they sat down on the couch.

Derek sighed. "Pretty good. I missed you." He said softly.

"I missed you too." She reached over and squeezed his hand. "I saw your sister the other day."

"Really? What did she say? Oh, which one?"

"It was Emily, and we just talked about you and about New York." Addison looked away. "She is the only one who liked me."

"Addi that is a big fat lie and you know it. I have heard all of my sisters say they missed you, and even today my mom and dad said that Christmas wasn't going to be the same without you." He looked at her face and then had an idea. "Why don't you come spend Christmas Eve with me and my family? Before you protest I am going to tell you that Meredith will not care, and I know my family would love to see you, and I also know that your family does presents on Christmas and we do ours on Christmas Eve. Therefore, you have no reason to say no." He smiled knowing he had her.

Addison sighed and smiled. "Fine, but I am going to have to go shopping for presents tonight." She laughed. "And you know how much I hate shopping."

"Oh yeah, you detest it." He said as he leaned in close to her. "I could never make you go when we were married."

By now their faces were mere inches apart. Addison's breath was becoming labored and she closed her eyes. "Derek," she whispered right as the phone rang. They both pulled apart and Addison went to answer the phone. "Hello. Oh, hey! How are you? I'm good. Yeah, how is she? Oh that is amazing! I am so happy for you. I would love to, but I already have plans. I'm sorry, maybe we can get together later. Okay, tell Sarah I said hi. Okay, I love you too Mark." Addison hung up the phone and turned around to find Derek on his way out. "Derek, where are you going?" She asked as she followed him.

"How long did you wait after you came here to sleep with Mark?" he asked angrily.

"Derek I am not with Mark! My assistant is with Mark! Why do you always assume the worst of me?" she asked sadly.

Derek walked up to her and cupped her chin in his hand. "I don't mean to, I just…I just want you to be the bad guy and not me." He looked down at his shoes and decided to change the subject. "You look so happy." He said with a small smile.

"I am." She said softly. "I'm also lonely though." She looked up into his eyes and sighed.

"I'm sorry that I haven't called you, I know that I should." Derek pulled her in to hug him. Addison wrapped her arms tightly around him and inhaled the familiar smell. "I promise to keep in touch once I go back home." He pulled her back and looked into her sea-green eyes. He felt like he could lose himself in those eyes. Derek sighed and smiled. "Well I better go home and tell my mom to plan for one more. Everyone is going to be ecstatic to see you. I promise." He kissed her forehead and walked with her to the door. "So you will be at my house at three o'clock tomorrow afternoon?"

Addison nodded her head in confirmation. "What do I wear?"

Derek chuckled. "You always did fret about what to wear." Addison playfully slapped his arm. "Dang woman, you have been working out."

"Don't change the subject." She said forcefully.

He smiled. "Something nice, but comfortable. You will look fine; you always do."

"Thank you." She said as she rolled her eyes. "Now you have to go so I can go shopping."

Derek grabbed his chest in mock hurt. "You mean you would rather go shopping then spend time with me?"

Addison laughed. "Yes, now go home."

Derek nodded and leaned in to give her a soft kiss on the lips. "Bye Addi." He said as he stepped out the door.

Addison waved to him and smiled. "Hey! What do you want for Christmas?" she yelled.

Derek shrugged. "I don't care. You are going to be there with me; what more could I want?" with that he turned around and walked away.

Addison smiled and laid her hand on her stomach. "Alright little one let's go shopping."

**-Christmas Eve-**

Addison pulled up to the familiar driveway. In front of her was a large house that had been beautifully decorated for Christmas. Derek's parents lived in New Jersey, but worked in Manhattan. So they actually could have a house and not an apartment like Addison had always had. She lived in brownstone, and loved it, but she did miss the idea of a home in Seattle. She parked her car beside the multiple others. Just as she stepped out of her car the front door opened and a whole pack of adults and children came tumbling out. She smiled and squatted down to catch Emmy who, even though she had the smallest legs, was the first one to her. Addison grabbed Emmy and spun her around. All the kids huddled around her and were calling out her name. Addison made sure that she hugged everyone of her nieces and nephews. She looked up and saw Maddie running towards her. Maddie, or Maddison, was seventeen and Addison's closest niece. They had spent a lot of time together when she was younger, and they both adored each other. "Addison!" Maddie yelled as she ran towards her. Addison engulfed her in a hug and they both squealed as they hugged each other. "Look at you! You cut your hair!" Addison said as she pushed her away.

"Look at you! You're pregnant!" Maddie squealed back.

Addison smiled back. "Oh really? I didn't know!" they both laughed and walked towards the house. Addison stopped to talk to Derek's parents Melanie and David. "Hey Melanie." Addison said as she hugged her ex-mother-in-law.

"Hey sweet heart; I am glad that you came. David and I were telling Derek yesterday how Christmas just would not be the same without you this year." Melanie took Addison's hand and walked into the house. "And don't fret about us not forgiving you. We did and we still love you." Melanie looked at Addison and smiled sweetly. "Now, how is my grandchild doing?" she asked as they sat down on the couch in the living room.

Addison rubbed her stomach and smiled. "Good, but I hate having to pee all the time."

Melanie laughed and patted Addison's leg. "I know exactly what you mean."

David came in with a drink and sat down across from the ladies. "Well Mel where is your son? He is almost an hour late."

"I have no clue. He said that he and Meredith had a few errands to run and that they would be back. Who knows with that boy." Melanie took a sip of the drink that David had brought her then turned to look as Addison. "Addi dear, tell me the truth. What do you think of Derek and Meredith?"

"Mel don't put her in that position." David said as he stood up. "Come on Addi the gang wants to see you in the kitchen." David offered his hand to help her up.

"To answer your question Mel, if Derek is happy, then I am happy." She left with David and went into the kitchen.

Derek's mom sat still on the couch and sighed. She did not like Meredith. There was nothing wrong with the girl, but she was not good for Derek. Melanie had always thought that Derek and Addison would always be together, but she was wrong. She had tried to talk to Derek about how she felt, but he had gotten angry and left. Melanie could see how much Addison and Derek still loved each other, but there was nothing she could do about it. Giving up hope for the two of them she stood up and walked to the kitchen to join the fun.

**-45 Minutes Later-**

"Mom, Dad we're here!" Derek yelled throughout the house. Just as he did he heard the pounding of footsteps coming his way. "Brace for impact." He whispered in Meredith's ear. Just then the whole family came running into the foyer. Derek hugged everyone and loved on the little ones. Meredith was busy talking to his mom when Derek looked up and saw her walk out of the kitchen. He thought she looked beautiful. She was wearing a sleeveless, v-necked, hunter green, satin top. It had the typical maternity waist with a black satin tie that tied in back. He chuckled as he saw her high heels. Even though she was pregnant she still managed to wear high heels. Derek walked over to her and gave her a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. None of this escaped Meredith's attention. Derek had already told her that he had invited Addison to Christmas, and Meredith had mentally declared war.

A/N- So what is Meredith going to do? Will Addison fight back? What will Derek do? Will his mom put arsenic in Meredith's egg nog? Come back next time to find out.


	11. I Don't Know Much

A/N- Wow! I think everyone enjoyed the idea of the arsenic. Who knew you guys could be so cold blooded? LOL…Jk!

Meredith sighed and leaned against the doorframe. She and Derek had been at his parents' house for the past two hours and not once had he talked to her. She blamed Addison for this, even though Derek had barely talked to Addison. Meredith looked over at Addison who was holding little Emmy and talking to Derek's sister Lauren. Meredith mentally went through the names of all of Derek's sisters. There was Meagan, Katherine, Lauren, Elizabeth, and Emily. Derek had informed her that he was not the baby and that he had come between Katherine and Lauren. She shook her head trying to get all of his family and their names straight in her mind. She envied how Addison knew everyone's name, who they were married to, and their kids' names. She did not find it fair that Addison had had eleven years to learn everyone's name and she had only had a few days. Meredith was shaken out of her reverie by a small hand pulling on her dress. She looked down and saw Emmy. "Hi Emmy." She said softly.

"I don't like you." She said firmly.

Addison and Lauren both jumped up and ran towards the child. "Emmaline Grace Davidson! How dare you say something like that." Lauren scolded.

"I just telling the truth mommy." Emmy said innocently.

"It's fine." Meredith said firmly. "You know kids."

Lauren looked up at her. "Yes I do and my child knows better than to say something like that. Come on Emmy." She picked up the small girl and carried her into the kitchen.

"They don't hate you." Addison said as she placed her hand on Meredith's shoulder.

"Yeah, well they don't like me, but they certainly love you. Which is strange, seeing as you are the woman who had an affair while married to their son." Meredith said bitterly.

Addison looked up at her; her eyes ablaze with rage. "Look, they were my family for eleven years and technically they are still not your family. They forgave me for what I did, but I promise you if you take their son away from them and you become the reason he won't come home, then they will hate you."

"If you were not here they would not hate me! It is you; you are the one who is ruining my relationship with Derek." Meredith spat.

Addison sighed. "No, Meredith, you are the one ruining your relationship." Addison said softly. She turned away from Meredith and grabbed her coat out of the hallway and walked outside onto the porch. Addison inhaled the cool crisp air. She walked along the wrap around porch and stopped by a window that looked into the kitchen. She smiled as she watched the family interact. Tears slowly slid down her face as she remembered the times when she had been involved in those moments of laughter. Slowly she walked to the swing on the porch and sat down. As she stared out at the falling snow she smiled a sad smile. Her heart ached for Meredith. Addison knew what it was like to feel like you were losing someone, and to know that it was you who was causing that person to pull away. Addison had been so absorbed in her own thoughts that she hadn't heard Derek come up behind her.

"She really feels bad about what she said." He said softly as he sat down next to her.

"I don't belong here Derek." She said through tears.

Derek lifted her face so she could see him. "Yes you do." They both stared at each other for a while and then he smiled. "Look my mom doesn't want you driving in this snow tonight and so she wanted me to ask you to stay the night." Derek expected her to argue with him but she simply smiled and nodded. "Great. Now it is absolutely freezing out here and dinner is almost ready, so what do you say we head on in?"

"Okay." She said softly and took his arm as they walked back inside.

**-2 Hours Later-**

The whole family had finished opening all of their presents except for a few. "What are those?" Meredith asked as she looked at the medium size pile of presents.

"Those are the pajamas." Derek said simply. "Each year everyone draws a name and you have to buy that person a pair of Christmas pajamas and socks. It is a tradition in the Sheppard household." Derek stood up and helped his mom pass the presents out. Everyone began to open theirs and to squeal about the pajamas.

Addison had gotten some from Lauren. It was a pregnancy top with pants that had reindeer all over them and a pair of thick beige socks. "Lauren thank you so much!"

Lauren gave Addison a tight hug. "I'm glad you like them. I had a pair when I was pregnant with Emmy and I loved them."

"You probably had to go get them yesterday during the holiday rush."

Lauren shook her head. "I've had them for about a month. Addi you are still my sister, no matter what happens." A few tears fell down Lauren's soft cheeks. "I love you sis." She pulled Addi into another hug. "We missed you." She whispered.

"I missed you too." Addi choked out.

Meredith had missed this exchange, but Derek had seen it all. He knew how much his family loved Addison and how much they had missed her. To tell the truth he had missed her most of all.

**-12:50 a.m.-**

Derek walked downstairs and found Addison sitting in her new pajamas curled up on the couch in front of the fire. Some music was softly playing in the background. All the lights in the room were off and the only thing that was creating light was the Christmas tree and the fire. He smiled as he watched the Christmas lights dance across her face. "Can't sleep?" he asked as he sat down next to her.

She slowly shook her head and leaned it against his shoulder. "I was just thinking about things." Addison was quiet for a moment and enjoyed the feeling of Derek next to her. "Why can't life be simple? Why can't we have a normal relationship? Why Derek?"

Derek sighed and thought about her questions. "I don't know Ad. Maybe fate knew we were not meant for each other." He paused for a second then continued. "Or maybe fate knew we were meant for each other, but we keep getting in our own way." The two sat silent for a moment until Derek heard a certain song come on. "Dance with me Addi." She smiled up at him and agreed. The two stood in the middle of the living room and began to sway to the music.

_Look at this face  
I know the years are showin  
Look at this life  
I still don't know where its goin _

Derek closed his eyes and absorbed the words. It fit him so well. How could a man his age still have no clue of where his life was headed?

_I don't know much  
But I know I love you  
And that may be  
All I need to know_

Derek knew he loved Addison; he did not need anyone to tell him that. But why could he not tell her and end it with Meredith?

_Look at these eyes  
They've never seen what mattered  
Look at these dreams  
So beaten and so battered_

Addison felt so tired, so exhausted. She was too tired to even fight anymore. She closed her eyes and laid her head on Derek's shoulder. She saw all of the dreams she had once had fade away to one dream. And that dream was so faint an image. It had once been clear and vivid, but through years of abandonment and beatings it had almost faded away to nothing.

_I don't know much  
But I know I love you  
And that may be  
All I need to know_

Addison knew she loved Derek, but she didn't know how to tell him. She had tried so many times, but each time she was reminded of Meredith. Meredith did not deserve to be treated that way. 

So many questions  
Still left unanswered  
So much  
I've never broken through

Derek had so many questions, but they could never be answered. He had so much to say, but he couldn't say it.

And when I feel you near me  
Sometimes I see so clearly  
The only truth I've ever known  
Is me and you

Addison's skin began to tingle at Derek's touch. Every time he came near her she would shiver. There were times when she could clearly see that Derek was the only one for her and other times she could not see at all.

Look at this man  
So blessed with inspiration

Derek looked down at the woman he was dancing with. She was the reason he lived on. She was the reason he was the man he was today, even if sometimes he wasn't at his best. She had given him anything he had needed and still continued to support him. _  
_

_Look at this soul  
Still searching for salvation_

Addison looked up at Derek and smiled. He had saved her. She had been drowning before and he had reached down and pulled her out of the deadly waters. But now she felt as if she was back to being that soul lost without any hope of salvation. 

I don't know much  
But I know I love you  
And that may be  
All I need to know

I don't know much  
But I know I love you  
That may be  
All I need to know

I don't know much  
But I know I love you  
That may be  
All there is to know

The two looked into each others eyes and stood still. Both knew what the other was thinking, but neither one knew what to do next. As the music began to fade Addison leaned in close to his face. "Derek I love you." He didn't say anything but simply leaned down and gave her a soft kiss.

"Addison."

"I know Derek, we can't." She said as she pulled away.

Derek stopped her and looked into her eyes. "I just…I love you, but I can't be with you right now. It is not because I don't love you, because I do. I just can't because I am too afraid that I will hurt you again." Derek pulled her closer to him. "Meredith and I both know it over between us. I will make you a deal. Give me time to sort things out, time to think. Once I have accepted who I am and what I have done, and then I promise I will find you and **we will** be together."

"Don't make a promise you can't keep." She whispered softly in his ear.

"I will keep this one, don't worry."

A/N- Sorry if there are any grammatical mistakes. I really wanted to post this for you guys, and it was late so I didn't reread it. Well I didn't leave you guys hanging this time. I hope you are happy. Please review.


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